| Q: |
 |
I am abstinent; so I don’t see any need for the HPV vaccine. But if my future husband has been sexually active, it’s possible he could infect me. In that case, couldn’t he be tested for the virus before we are married? I figure that if he tests positive, only then would I get the vaccine. If he tests negative, then I won’t need the vaccine at all, right? --df |
| A: |
|
Although, the HPV vaccine has been touted by many as the panacea for cervical cancer, there is currently some debate about possible adverse effects associated with it. It is understandable that you are in no hurry to get the vaccine. At first glance, it seems that your plan is a good one. A person may have HPV even if years have passed since he or she had sex. Unfortunately though, there is no FDA-approved test to detect HPV in men.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention at least 50% of sexually active people will get genital HPV. On its website, the CDC counsels men that they needn’t worry about the lack of an HPV test: HPV is very common and most men with HPV will never develop health problems from it. Finding out if you have HPV is not as important as finding out if you have the diseases that it can cause.
A bride’s opinion on the need for her intended husband to be tested may differ. Hopefully, an HPV test for men will be developed in the near future. Ideally, being in a mutually faithful relationship with someone who has had no sex partners is the best way to avoid infection from HPV, or any STD for that matter. The next best situation would be to delay engaging in sexual activity or be in a mutually faithful relationship with someone who has had only a few sex partners.
If you eventually decide to get the vaccine, until further development and research; here are some other things you should know:
1. There are over 100 strains of HPV. The HPV vaccine protects against HPV types 6 and 11 which cause 90% of genital warts, and strains 16 and 18 which cause 70% off all cervical cancers. HPV vaccines have not been proven to provide complete protection against persistent infection with other HPV types, some of which cause cervical cancer. Therefore, about 30 percent of cervical cancers and 10 percent of genital warts will not be prevented by the vaccine. In addition, the vaccines do not prevent other sexually transmitted diseases, nor do they treat HPV infection or cervical cancer. Source: NCI
2. According to the FDA, the vaccine may help people who have one type of HPV from being infected with the other types. For example, if you have type 6, it may protect you from getting type 16.
3. According to the FDA, it is not known how long the protection from the vaccine lasts. A booster may be necessary after a couple of years.
No matter what remedies are proposed, abstinence still remains the best defense against infection from all sexually transmitted disease. If we lived in a world in which everyone chose abstinence until marriage, life would be so much simpler.
More on HPV
--abstinencedu.com, 02.09.2008 |
|
| Q: |
|
Can HPV be transmitted with a kiss?--S. |
| A: |
|
Human papillomavirus (HPV) is the name of a group of viruses that includes more than 100 different strains, more than 30 of which are sexually transmitted, some causing warts and some linked with cancer. (cdc.gov) Over 99.7% of all cervical cancer is known to be caused by HPV. HPV is the fastest spreading sexually transmitted disease. (Health Crisis Fact Sheet) According to the CDC, condoms do not protect against HPV; it is transmitted through skin-to-skin contact. (The Truth about Condoms and HPV)
According to the National Cancer Institute, studies suggest that HPV may play a role in some cancers of the oropharynx (the middle part of the throat that includes the soft palate, the base of the tongue, and the tonsils). HPV type 16, which is associated with cervical cancer, appears to be the predominant type involved in head and neck cancers. (rrpwebsite.org) A recent Medical News Today article states that Dr. Maura Gillison of Johns Hopkins University, led a study published in May 2007 that suggested people who had oral sex with 5 or more partners during their lifetime had a much greater chance of having throat cancer and that the cause was most likely to be a well-known strain of HPV. Data collected on sexual history "suggest that oral HPV infection is sexually acquired…but we cannot rule out transmission through direct mouth-to-mouth contact or other means," said the authors of the study. (Cancer.gov)
“Oral HPV is bad news, and kissing may spread it,” says Michael Green, MSW, LICSW. However, according to the authors of a study entitled Natural history of oral papillomavirus infections in spouses: a prospective Finnish HPV Family Study, “The natural history of genital human papillomavirus infection is well known, but nearly nothing is known about the outcome of oral HPV-infection.” At this time, there is no scientific evidence which proves that HPV can be transmitted with a kiss. Until further studies are conducted, we cannot be certain of the risk.
--abstinenceud.com, 02.15.2008 |
|
| Q: |
|
Why is abstinence a healthy choice for teenagers?--S. |
| A: |
|
Abstinence, defined as refraining from all sexual activity outside of marriage, is a healthy choice for teenagers because it leads to physical and emotional health, as well as, achievement. The teen years should be spent having fun, building friendships, discovering talents, and working toward goals. Sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, and the emotional distress associated with premature sexual intimacy are road blocks to personal development.
Abstinence is the only standard of behavior that provides 100% protection against sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. For a sexually active single person, it’s a scary world. About 1 in 4 people have a viral, incurable STD; and fifteen to twenty-four-year-olds account for nearly half of all new STDs. Consider also, that a single sexual encounter is not limited to that one partner. Assuming each person in the relationship has had the same number of partners, an individual who has had 10 sexual partners has been exposed to over 1,000 people!
Don’t be fooled into thinking that there’s a band-aid solution in condoms or birth-control pills. According the 2001 NIH Report on Condom Effectiveness, there is no clinical evidence that condoms, even when used correctly and consistently, protect against Herpes, HPV, Chlamydia, Syphilis, and Trichomoniasis; and there still remains a 15% chance of contracting HIV with correct and consistent use of condoms. Furthermore, the failure rate of the pill for teen girls is 12.9%, meaning that 13 out of a hundred contracepting teen girls will be pregnant within 12 months.
Research shows that teens who abstain from sex fair better in other ways as well. According to the Heritage Foundation, teens that are abstinent are less likely to be depressed and to attempt suicide. A 1991 study showed that the attempted suicide rate for sexually experienced girls between the ages of 12 and 16 is six times higher than for girls that age who are virgins. Furthermore, teens who abstain from sex during high school years are substantially less likely to be expelled from school; less likely to drop out of high school; and more likely to attend and graduate from college.
According to Dr. Thomas Lickona, Director of the Center for the 4th and 5th Rs, other emotional dangers include regret, guilt, and loss of self-esteem. Take a look at these GPA PowerPoints on the topics of regret and loss of self -esteem: Interview with Jane, Worn Out.
One more point, it’s never too late to choose abstinence. With every new day comes the opportunity to take a new stand. We call this renewed virginity.
For more information, check out these resources:
GPA Health Crisis Fact Sheet
STD Surveillance 2006, Adolescents and Young Adults, CDC
Sexual Exposure Chart
Summary of the 2001 NIH Report on Condom Effectiveness
Teenage Sexual Abstinence and Academic Achievement, the Heritage Foundation
Contraceptive Fraud by Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse
10 Emotional Dangers of Premature Sexual Involvement by Dr. Tom Lickona |
|
| Q: |
|
How can I get my school active in this wonderful program?--K.B. |
| A: |
|
Please contact our GPA Office at 225-342-5818 and someone will assist you.--www.abstinencedu.com |
|
| Q: |
|
What can I say to my 19-year-old stepdaughter who is living with her boyfriend? She says she might as well stay with him because if they break up she will just end up with some other guy. A lot of women give in to living with a guy or to being in a monogamous relationships outside of marriage to avoid having sex with a lot of different guys while just trying to date and meet people. Teenagers and young adults aren't the only ones with poor relationship and "refusal" skills. I am 53 and just learned that losing my virginity at sixteen when dating my boyfriend of 6 months, didn't make me permanently unworthy and of less value than virgins. This is a psychological trap that a lot of women get into. What can I say to my stepdaughter?--T.C. |
| A: |
|
Thank you for your excellent question. For many couples who are dating exclusively, cohabitation is the next step in the relationship. Often, women see it as the precursor to marriage. Men often view living together as an arrangement that offers his mate the assurance that he is hers alone, and him, the perks he desires without the commitment.
What can you say to your stepdaughter? For starters, she needs to know that she is valuable; that she doesn’t have to settle for living with a guy in order to avoid having sexual relationships with numerous others. Tell her that she doesn’t have to live her life according to societal expectations; but she should have higher expectations for herself. She only has to decide what she wants for her life, communicate her expectations to those close to her, and be confident in her choices. Wendy Shalit, in her book Girls Gone Mild, says, “…women are terrified to broach their real concerns with their lovers, whether the woman wants to get married or wants to avoid catching a deadly disease. It’s striking how deeply uncomfortable these women are with the men who share their beds.”
You could also share with her what you have just realized in regards to your own experience. Every day comes with an opportunity to make new choices. In the GPA Curriculum this is referred to as renewed virginity.
Regaining or claiming renewed virginity takes effort. If we build character, if we want to develop healthy personalities, we have to awaken our faculties and be conscious of the effort. As we strive to mature and strive to rebuild moral character, we can feel better about ourselves. Some things that she can do to facilitate the transition to abstinence are:
• Try something new or work on improving her talents.
• Avoid doing things which make her feel guilty.
• Never unfairly compare herself with others.
• Always be honest with herself and others.
In her book, The Thrill of the Chaste, author Dawn Eden says of her own life, “My chances are better now than they’ve ever been, because before I was chaste, I was looking for love in all the wrong places. It’s only now that I’m truly ready for marriage and have a clear vision of the kind of man I want for my husband.”
According to an excellent summary of empirical studies on the subject, Seven Reasons Why Living Together Before Marriage is Not a Good Idea, cohabitation does not produce healthier, happier relationships or marriages, but the contrary. Mature love is built on the security of knowing that your love is exclusive and permanent.
According to research findings from The Heritage Foundation, cohabiting couples are also more likely to experience infidelity than married couples; and men in cohabiting households tend to have lower earnings than married men with families.
There’s also the risk of transacting STDs to be considered. A single sexual encounter is not limited to that one person. This Sexual Exposure Chart demonstrates the number of people one is exposed to if every person has only the same number of partners. For more information on STDs read this summary of the CDC’s recently released STD Surveillance Report for 2006, the GPA Health Crisis Fact Sheet, and the Summary Chart of the 2001 NIH Report on Condom (In)Effectiveness.
What about a child entering the picture? This chart shows surprising failure rates for various contraceptive methods broken down by relationship type, age, and broad income categories. With failure rates like these, the birth of a child into a non-committed relationship is very possible, and often not the best situation for the child or the mother. (See the negative effects of cohabitation on children in Seven Reasons Why Living Together Before Marriage is Not a Good Idea.)
So why do so many adults continue in a cycle of sex without a marriage commitment, cohabitation, and failed relationships? According to Dr. Eric Keroack, MD, FACOG, this perpetual cycle of misery is due largely to the role of the hormone oxytocin. Released during sexual intercourse, oxytocin promotes bonding by reducing fear and anxiety and increasing trust and trustworthiness. Dr. Keroack’s explanation of the cycle:
Emotional pain causes our bodies to produce an elevated level of endorphins which in turn lowers the level of oxytocin. Therefore, relationship failure leads to pain which leads to elevated endorphins which leads to lower oxytocin the result of which is a lower ability to bond. Many in this increased state of emotional pain and lower oxytocin seek sex as a substitute for love which inevitably leads to another failed relationship, and so, the cycle continues.
There is hope for the weary broken heart, Dr. Keroack says, but it requires abstinence and lots of time for healing.
You could ask her this basic question: Is this situation bringing out the best in her and others in her life? A cultural change is beginning to take place. For all these reasons and more, many young people today are deciding early on that abstinence is the standard of behavior that will bring about the best in life for them. |
|
| Q: |
|
Is abortion murder?--b.w. |
| A: |
|
With the practice of abstinence, abortion is not an issue.
A search of the Merriam-Webster On-line Dictionary yields the following relevant definitions.
Abortion:
1: the termination of a pregnancy after, accompanied by, resulting in, or closely followed by the death of the embryo or fetus :
as b. induced expulsion of a human fetus
Murder:
1: the crime of unlawfully killing a person especially with malice aforethought
Person:
1: human, individual
Embryo:
…especially : the developing human individual from the time of implantation to the end of the eighth week after conception
Fetus:
…specifically: a developing human from usually two months after conception to birth
According to the definitions, an embryo or fetus is a person because it is human and is an individual, never-to-be-repeated being. However, according to federal law, abortion is not a crime in the U.S. (See Roe v. Wade)
One of our nation's most cherished symbols of liberty is the Declaration of Independence. Thomas Jefferson’s summary of "self-evident truths" tells us that all have the right to Life.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
Whether or not abortion is morally wrong depends upon one’s faith or system of belief. We recommend that you consult with a spiritual advisor from your faith or system of belief. Follow your heart and choose the right answer for mother and baby. |
|
| Q: |
|
I work in an emergency room. Sometimes I have to call a teen to tell them they were properly treated for Gonorrhea and Chlamydia, but still need to be tested for HIV and other STDs. Also, the physician tells me to tell them that they need to use protection (what a joke!) and that their partners need to be treated. I need to know if what I tell them (statement to follow) is the best thing or is there something better. I've told the doctor that writes the note that protection doesn't work. He said he writes that because of what the American Public Health Association says to do.
I tell my patients the following: "The doctor says to use protection, but I say the best protection is not to do it (sex) and your partners' partners and their partners probably need to be treated."
What do you recommend? Thank you for this great program. Every chance I get, I write down the website and give it to a sexually active teen seen in the ER for STDs.--ER Nurse |
| A: |
|
The only 100% protection against STDs and pregnancy is abstinence. By abstinence we mean no genital to genital or oral to genital contact.
According to the Summary of the 2001 NIH Report on Condom Effectiveness
(National Institutes of Health, Department of Health and Human Services), condoms provide an 85% reduction in HIV/AIDS transmission risk. That means there is still a 15% risk of infection. (Notably, more than 80% of all adult HIV infections throughout the world have been transmitted during heterosexual intercourse.) There is no clinical proof of condom effectiveness for Herpes, HPV, Trichomoniasis, or Chlamydia. (See chart on condom (in) effectiveness.) The summary reports a risk reduction for gonorrhea in men and no proof of protection for women from gonorrhea. Furthermore, no assessment for risk reduction from syphilis could be made.
This Sexual Exposure Chart makes it clear, based on the number of sexual partners; to how many people an individual has been exposed.
What you have been telling your patients is correct. Thank you for your work.--abstinencedu.com |
|
| Q: |
|
I have had sex with the man I think I love. How am I going to tell him that I am going to get tested for a STD? What do I do? I love this man and we are going to spend the rest of our lives together.--c.l. |
| A: |
|
Anyone who has a sexually active past is obligated to tell his/her partner before the sex occurs. Now, to address the issue at hand:
Your dilemma is a result of taking the progress of your relationship out of its natural sequence.
Do not try to imitate the intimacy of marriage in dating. Sexual activity is never a shortcut to a good relationship. On the contrary, it prevents the relationship from growing and developing normally.
When people bypass the important steps in getting to know one another, then they are truly poor communicators and have stopped each other’s progress in life. (GPA Curriculum)
You have already engaged in the most personal and private act there is with this man, yet you are uneasy about discussing the matter of testing with him. The fact that you don’t know how to tell him something that is so important to your well-being, as well as his, should be a red flag. The physical intimacy reserved for marriage should never precede the intimacy of friendship and the ability to communicate with one another.
Real love, the kind that exists in a good marriage is evidenced by open and honest communication. Two people who have taken the time necessary to get to know each other and allowed their relationship to develop from friendship to a mature love necessary for a life-long commitment find it easier to discuss important matters because they have built up a trust before becoming physically intimate.
You are doing the right thing by getting tested. But, today there are 25 major STDS and about one in four Americans is infected. (Abstinencedu.com) If you are going to get tested, you should get tested for all STDs. STD infection facilitates the spread of other STDs. For a list of STDs go to cdc.gov. Chances are, if you are infected with one STD, you are infected with more than one. Anyone who tests positive for STD infection is obligated to inform all partners, past and present, of possible infection.
You can start anew. Save the sex for marriage. Work on being friends first. Focus on communication and trust. |
|
| Q: |
|
I'm going to have sex with my girlfriend on prom night, but I'm too nervous to buy condoms. I can't get infected if we are both virgins right?--Chris |
| A: |
|
Technically you are correct. However, the term “virgin” is used loosely by some. For example, someone who has had genital to genital or oral to genital contact without intercourse might consider himself or herself a virgin. However, it is possible for STDs such as HPV and herpes to be transmitted in sexual contact that does not include intercourse. In addition, it would be in your best interest to consider that not everyone is honest about their sexual past.
Being too nervous to buy condoms should be a signal that your plan is not the best thing for you and your girlfriend. What about the risk of pregnancy? Think about how nervous you would be to tell your parents and her parents that she is pregnant. Not to mention the 18-year responsibility of raising and providing for a child.
That being said, we are not advising that you “get brave” and buy condoms. There is no clinical proof of the effectiveness of condoms to protect against HPV, Chlamydia, Trichomoniasis, and Herpes, and only a risk reduction for HIV and Gonorrhea. (2001 NIH Report on Condom Ineffectiveness)
Even if you were to use a condom, remember that condoms won’t protect your heart. Teen sexual activity has negative emotional and psychological consequences as well, with increased risks of depression and suicide occurring in sexually active teens.
Remember, this is your prom night, not your wedding night. Save the sex for that first night with your bride. (If you ask your parents and teachers, you’ll find that very few of them ended up marrying their prom date.)
For avoiding pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease, only an abstinent lifestyle can provide a 100% guarantee.
--abstinencedu.com |
|
| Q: |
|
Don't you believe that abstinence is a personal choice, not something to be influenced politically? What I mean to say is that, in order for this campaign to be democratic, some other governor should have a site with a program on sexuality and its benefits.--Andreea |
| A: |
|
During the Clinton Administration, representatives of the people voted to set aside funds for abstinence-only education. Congress enacted the Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act of 1996 (Welfare Reform) which featured an education program on abstinence (no sex outside of marriage). The purpose of the program is to reduce out-of-wedlock births and sexually transmitted diseases (STD's). An authorization of $50 million per year for five years is being issued to states through block grants to implement abstinence education programs.
Yes, to be abstinent is a personal choice. The GPA offers clubs and a curriculum which are available to all schools. Club membership is voluntary and parents can “opt-out” their children from curriculum instruction.
The program is not influenced by politics. In fact, Republican Governor Mike Foster endorsed the Abstinence Education Program and concept for Louisiana in 1998 and it continues today as the Governor's Program on Abstinence under Democratic Governor Kathleen Babineaux Blanco.
The existence of abstinence-only education programs does not preclude other governors’ or anyone else from establishing a website which promotes the issues you mention. However, most would agree that it would be difficult for a Governor or anyone in a leadership position to promote an unhealthy (and sometimes life-threatening) practice such as ”safe sex”.--abstinencedu.com |
|
| Q: |
|
How can I help to establish a stronger GPA CLUB and make others want to come to the meetings?--M. Thomas |
| A: |
|
To answer your question, we polled some of our faculty sponsors and regional directors. Here are their suggestions:
• Work with your faculty sponsor to recruit committed officers with a strong desire to make a difference in your school.
• Ask your regional director to find speakers for your monthly club meetings.
• Have your officers attend each of the four GPA statewide events throughout the year. The most important of these is the Summer Leadership Camp. Besides being fun, this is where officers learn everything they need to know to build a strong club. Fall Regional Conference gives you another opportunity to show off GPA to other students. Winter Legislative Caucus and Spring State Convention are also good ways to introduce others to the excitement that GPA has to offer.
• The four club projects that can be held on your school campus will also help to raise interest in your club. Orientation Day and Recruitment Day are specifically designed to generate membership. STD Awareness Day and Abstinence Appreciation Day activities raise awareness of why there is a need for a GPA Club on campus and why students should take up the abstinence cause. The Club Handbook has lots of suggestions for all four of the projects.
Your regional director can help you and your sponsor with more club-building ideas. Check out our website for additional ideas. Please feel free to contact me through the GPA office in Baton Rouge if I can be of any assistance.
—Susan Rabb, GPA Club Facilitator |
|
| Q: |
|
Is there any way possible to become pregnant without actually having intercourse? |
| A: |
|
One other method of achieving pregnancy besides intercourse is called in vitro fertilization. This is a method of assisted reproduction that involves surgically removing an egg from the ovary (by ultrasound-guided retrieval) after ovulation induction, combining it with sperm in a Petri dish and, after fertilization, replacing the resulting embryo(s) in the woman's uterus.
There is also some debate about whether pregnancy can occur from semen that comes into contact with the female genital area, though we can find no research to prove or disprove this possibility. For avoiding pregnancy (and sexually transmitted disease), only an abstinent lifestyle can provide a 100% guarantee.--abstinencedu.com |
|
| Q: |
|
Did you know that abstinence doesn't work?--Rick |
| A: |
|
No, we know that it DOES work. It is the ONLY, 100% guaranteed method for preventing sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.
"We don't need a study, if I remember my biology correctly, to show us that those people who are sexually abstinent have
a zero chance of becoming pregnant or getting someone pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted disease."--Wade Horn, PH.D, Assistant Secretary for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
Do we know that some individuals are not willing to give up sex in exchange for this 100% guarantee? Yes.--abstinencedu.com |
|
| Q: |
|
What is the best way to tell my girl friend that I just gave her an STD?--R.G. |
| A: |
|
The best way is to tell her is WITHOUT DELAY so that she can get medical treatment and perhaps, depending on what STD you have given her, lessen the damage done. For more information on STDs and the ineffectiveness of condoms to protect against them, go to the GPA Health Crisis Fact Sheet and the Chart on Condom Ineffectiveness.--abstinencedu.com |
|
| Q: |
|
I am a member of the GPA Club at Kentwood High School. I am wondering how it is that I give other people good advice about sex, but when it comes to myself, I seem to give the wrong advice. Can you help me with this situation?
--D.M. |
| A: |
|
First, remember a new beginning is always possible! Second, when you need abstinence-related advice, talk to a parent or your GPA Club faculty sponsor.
Your fellow GPA Club members are your peer support group, you may want to consider hanging out only with them. Also, ask your sponsor to help by providing the helpful lessons from the GPA Curriculum.
As always, if you have a specific question, you may submit it here and we will be happy to give you guidance. -abstinencedu.com |
|
| Q: |
|
I am a graduate student in Public Health (and an-ex teacher in La). I ABSOLUTELY support Governor Blanco and this website. You guys are awesome. I am currently being harrassed by one of my professors because of my support for abstinence-only programs, WHICH WORK!! Interestingly enough, she brags about handing out condoms to kids in her
neighborhood - (condoms which undoubtably ended up on my car, the teachers' lounge, and classroom floor filled as water balloons) So, I guess she was right. The students did use them. Thanks so much for this website. Please let me know if there is anything I can do from New Orleans. It would be an honor. --Best Regards, Toni Marie Jones |
| A: |
|
Thank you for your interest and support! We will contact you for an upcoming GPA Curiculum Certification Training to be held in your area in the not too distant future. Individuals who become certified to teach our curriculum may volunteer to teach abstinence-only education to middle school students, become a community sponsor for high school GPA Clubs, and assist at state-wide events for students. Please sign up for our weekly e-newsletter at www.abstinencedu.com. To contact any one in the GPA State Office or a GPA representative in your area, go to our key contacts page or phone: 225.342.5818.
Abstinencedu.com |
|
| Q: |
|
What is the one reason that teens have sex in high school, and what is the percentage rate of teens that wait to have sex ‘til they’re married? |
| A: |
|
You ask a question that is very difficult to answer with only one reason. But after putting your question to our student leaders, the most prevalent response is acceptance. Caitlyn Turner, age 18 said, "The biggest reason I saw in high school for teens having sex was the desire to feel accepted. I know we have heard it and said it a thousand times that teens, especially girls, have sex to be accepted, but it is the truest statement. The girl is often insecure and she feels that by engaging in sex, the boy and that "special moment" will fill her void of insecurities, but often times it leads to more hurt than before."--(11-06-06)
As for the second part of your question, in the decade or so that true "abstinence-only" programs have grown in popularity, the percentage of teens who say they have had sex by the time they leave high school has fallen from 56 to 48 percent. Hertitage.org |
|
| Q: |
|
What is the percentage rate of teens that wait to have sex ‘til they’re married and what is the one reason that teens have sex in high school?--Aaron |
| A: |
|
In the decade or so that true "abstinence-only" programs have grown in popularity, the percentage of teens who say they have had sex by the time they leave high school has fallen from 56 to 48 percent. Heritage.org
As for the second part of your question, that is difficult to answer with only one reason. “For acceptance” is the consensus of our student leadership team. Caitlyn Turner, age 18, sums it up:
The biggest reason I saw in high school for teens having sex was the desire to feel accepted. This is especially true for girls. The girl is often insecure and feels that by engaging in sex, the boy and that "special moment" will fill her void of insecurities, but often times it leads to more hurt than before.
According to GPA Regional Director and high school health and physical education teacher, Carol Fontenot, the answer is a complicated one and more than likely, a combination of several factors:
1. Breakdown of the family and a loss of respect for marriage by many.
• The American dream of marriage and family life doesn't seem realistic any more. So many are living in single-parent households. These kids don’t know what a healthy, happy family-life and marriage is. Many of these parents spend very little time with the adolescent and may have a “live-in” or openly sleeps around. The adult feels hopeless and doesn't have the self-discipline and/or parenting skills to do better. Many of these kids are raising themselves and may be living at the poverty level. They feel hopeless.
• Wholesome family time and positive role models don't exist for the majority of adolescents today. Teens no longer want to please their parents because there is a lack of respect in the household.
• Children are viewed as problems or mistakes. They are not cherished or valued in the family.
• Teens and parents are not communicating. When they do speak the conversation often ends in an argument.
• Many girls lack the protective and loving father figure in their lives. They are seeking this important male bonding in adolescent males through sex. As the old song says "They are looking for love in all the wrong places", trying to fill this void with sex...it doesn't work. When sex does not fill the emptiness, naively a girl thinks he just wasn't the right guy and turns to someone else. Having a steady boyfriend with whom she is sexually active in order to hang on to him becomes a habit that later leads to a life of unhappiness and failed relationships.
2. Cultural influences -
• Naively, a lot of kids are modeling their lives on media influences. Their role models become TV (The Real World/ MTV / BET), the Internet, pornography, music lyrics, videos, etc. They think this is what "cool teens" are supposed to be doing during adolescence because it seems that everyone else is doing these things and they want to fit in. They are living in the moment, because at the time it seems fun and exciting. The result is a NO FEAR-NO FUTURE generation. They think they are invincible. With no guidance from home and lacking maturity, they fail to see the value of setting goals and working to achieve dreams.
• Many of the older males in the families encourage the younger males to drink, use drugs, and be sexually active as long as they use "protection". This older generation of males is ignorant of the STD epidemic and does not realize the dangers to which they are exposing the youth they influence. Because these are their only male role models, they assume this is what MEN are supposed to do.
• For some males, sex is an escape from problems. Sex is the only "pleasure" they have because it is free and easy to get. They make no emotional connection between sex, love, and commitment, hence the popular saying, "Who your baby Daddy?"
As a result of these influences, teens may:
1. Develop low self-esteem
2. Develop a feeling of hopelessness
3. Turn to alcohol and drug use.
4. Become sexually active. |
|
| Q: |
|
My friend thinks you’re stupid. He's 12 and has had every kind of sex in the book. What should I tell him? |
| A: |
|
Some of those already infected with an STD do not think we are stupid. In fact, some HIV-positive people deliberately choose sexual abstinence. That group includes eleven percent of gay or bisexual men, 18 percent of heterosexual men, and 18 percent of women being treated for the virus that causes AIDS. GPA Newsletter
Your friend should get tested immediately! One in four Americans has at least one STD. GPA Fact Sheet Nearly half of all STD cases occur in 15-24 yr. olds. That’s nearly 10 million cases! GPA Newsletter Except in marriage with a person who is uninfected, ALL forms of sexual activity are risky. If he is involved in sexual relationships with multiple partners, he is at even greater risk.
For more information on STDs, go to CDC.gov.
Abstinencedu.com |
|
| Q: |
|
If a parent has an STD what are the chances that a baby will get it? |
| A: |
|
One in four Americans is infected with a STD and there are approximately 19 million new cases of STDs each year in the United States. Females who are infected with STDs during pregnancy place their baby at risk of infection with STDs because most STDs are transmitted from the pregnant mother to the baby. STDs which are passed from the mother to her developing baby can cause a variety of problems for the baby such as eye infections, blindness, poor eye development, cataracts, glaucoma, warts in the throat, pneumonia, heart inflammation, kidney inflammation, hepatitis, anemia, premature birth, low birth weight, jaundice, herpes blisters, hydrocephaly (fluid on the brain), meningitis, developmental delays, HIV and can cause the death of the baby before birth. Additionally, sexually active females who become infected with STDs can become infertile and therefore unable to naturally become pregnant and they can develop pregnancies outside of the uterus (such as tubal pregnancies).
Dee Burbank, MD, MPH
Louisiana GPA Medical Advisor |
|
| Q: |
|
If abstinence is the right choice, why do students in particular shy away from it? |
| A: |
|
It is our experience that more and more students are embracing an abstinent lifestyle.
GPA just completed three summer leadership camps where 300 students participated. Not only do they NOT shy away from abstinence, they also want to bring the abstinence message back to their peers and to their communities.
Go to "In Your Own Words" on the GPA website to read testimonials of youth who have chosen abstinence. Here’s a sample of what you will find there:
I am waiting, because I am worth it. --Lindsay (6-24-06)
…I have to rise to this challenge and show people that my generation, myself included, is strong enough to withstand the pressure of society. --Garrett Greene, - Senior, South Beauregard High School (3-17-06)
The abstinence message promotes all the aspects of a healthy and prosperous teenage life--a life that every teen in Louisiana, in the United States, and in the world deserves; a life of self-respect and strong relationships. Abstinence provides freedom from disease. If you aren’t sexually active, STDs are the last thing you’ve got to worry about.–Lance Frank, sophomore, Le Grange High School (3-3-06)
When the GPA Club was introduced to our school neither the principal nor teachers believed students would ever listen to its message. Now, not only have they listened, but they have committed their lives to it by grabbing hold of the truth and refusing to let go. Our school’s spirit has changed into the majority thinking that it is “cool” to be abstinent. Our community has supported our local GPA Club with both monetary and moral support. --Nadia Hashimi, Junior, Franklinton High (1-21-06)
For those that do shy away, there could be many reasons. Perhaps, they are not getting the support of the adults in their life. Perhaps, they are not getting the information about the physical, emotional, social, and economic consequences of sex outside of marriage. Perhaps, they think having sex outside of marriage is expected of them. Perhaps, they don’t understand the difference between infatuation, or lust, and real love. Perhaps, they have not been taught to communicate their feelings. Perhaps, they don’t know how to resist peer pressure. Perhaps, they never considered that they should set boundaries for themselves BEFORE they encounter a moment of weakness. Perhaps, they have been exposed to pornography or lyrics that influence them to accept sex as recreational. Perhaps, they have set no goals for themselves and their lives are empty of purpose. Perhaps, they believe that once they have had a sexual relationship, it’s too late to begin an abstinent lifestyle. All of these issues are addressed in the GPA Curriculum.—Dona Sunseri, GPA Website |
|
| Q: |
|
I have always been told that sex was only right inside of marriage, and that is what I believe. But is it only alright if you are trying to have children?--Lindsay |
| A: |
|
Sex is best inside of marriage because it is designed for babies and bonding. Sex within marriage helps to bring forth children and it bonds a couple together to help form a stable environment for a family. (That is one of the reasons we advise to wait until marriage. Why bond yourself to someone when you might not spend the rest of your life with them?)
One explanation for this bonding is oxytocin, a mammalian hormone that also acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain. It is sometimes referred to as emotional glue. According to Dr. Eric Keroack, MD, FACOG oxytocin is released during…hugs, “trust” encounters, and sexual intercourse. It promotes bonding by increasing trust and trustworthiness and reducing stress and pain. GPA Newsletter, v6,i35
Sometimes even when we are married, we may not be ready or able to have children. For example, suppose a wife has a health issue and is taking some serious medications that might harm a child should she become pregnant. Using a method called natural family planning (NFP) a couple can determine when her
body is ready to get pregnant and when her body is not ready to get pregnant. Abstaining during the fertile times while having sex only during the non-fertile time, will allow a husband and wife to prevent pregnancy. At this time in their lives, this might be the best thing for the family. Later on, she might stop taking the medication and be ready to start a family. So as you can see, every act of sex within marriage does not have to bring forth children.
I would like to offer a caution. Wide use of contraceptives has moved from helping women and couples in health issues to allowing much of society to seek sex purely for pleasure. The pleasure is part of the bonding. It is supposed to feel good. However, if we are only seeking pleasure out of sex with our spouse then one of the spouses can begin to feel used. That can push the couple apart. The last thing a husband or wife wants is for the person they love the most in the world to feel used.
For more information on NFP do a Google search for "Natural Family Planning."
Warren L. Dazzio
Legatus International |
|
| Q: |
|
I am a seventeen year old virgin, and believe me, I am proud of it. However, most of my family seems to think that once a person reaches a certain age, they should not follow the abstinence message anymore. I am the only person in my family who has ever had plans to wait and have sex when I am married. I even have one family member who thinks that I should not wait until I am married so I can have "experience". What do I tell them when they tell me this stuff, even when they know how I feel on the subject? |
| A: |
|
My first thought is "You are an amazing young woman and I want to affirm you in your decision to remain abstinent. You have every reason to be proud that you are a virgin. The most important thing here is that you are choosing the best road and you know it. You are called to carry the message but not the person. This means that you only have to share the facts and let your life be an example of living the abstinence message. There are probably many reasons for your family's response to your choices; some of which you may never know. Your job is to love them where they are while standing firm in your decision. You cannot change anyone but yourself. The only thing you should tell them are the facts, statistics, and information that you have learned personally from the abstinence program; nothing more, nothing less. Time will prove that the road you have traveled is one that will bring life. I would also encourage you to surround yourself with peers who believe in the message so that you always have support.
Sally Dubroc
GPA Curriculum Coordinator |
|
| Q: |
|
This weekend I was talking with my friends and someone said that you are not a virgin if you have any form of sexual contact. How far can you go with a person and still consider yourself a virgin? |
| A: |
|
In the strictest sense, virginity refers to not ever having had sexual intercourse. Yet we teach that one can "regain" his virginity by renewing his commitment to abstinence. Once having made the commitment, abstinence is having no sexual relations until marriage. According to the GPA curriculum, this includes all sexual contact... oral, anal, and genital; petting, fondling, and exposing private parts . Our focus should not be on the definition of virginity (we might be misunderstood as seeking a “loop hole”). Even if one were to concede that the persons involved would still technically be virgin, the point is, they are not abstinent. Virginity is a quality resulting from abstinence. If one is seeking an abstinent lifestyle the question is really pointless.
Dona Sunseri
GPA Regional Director
Virginity is about purity. Is this a behavior of purity? I think not. At one time, someone was considered a virgin if she/he had never had sex - sexual intercourse, oral sex, etc. But today there are so many other sexual actions that people are engaging in that it makes it difficult to just take a stand on the "intercourse" reasoning.
There are also emotional consequences to this behavior. Most girls will say they feel "guilty and used" afterward. Some boys use these types of experiences to go back and brag to their friends about what the girl allowed them to do. The girl gets a reputation of being "easy". Some boys will ask her out just to see what they can get from her too. What does this do for her self-esteem? Remember, it is really a big mistake to allow someone to touch you in any of the private areas....most girls regret it!
Carol Fontenot
GPA Regional Director
The following are dictionary definitions of the words virgin and virginity.
1. A person who has not experienced sexual intercourse.
2. A chaste or unmarried woman; a maiden.
3. Being in a pure or natural state
4. The quality or condition of being a virgin
5. The state of being pure, unsullied, or untouched.
I think it is obvious that all petting or fondling acts are impure, outside of marriage. We also know that STDs can be transmitted by skin to skin contact and do not require the exchange of body fluids. Therefore such activities are extremely dangerous
Terrell Reed
GPA Curriculum Coordinator |
|
| Q: |
|
I am a member of my school's G.P.A. chapter and so many people tease and pick on people (mainly males) who decide to stay 'pure' until their married. Is there any advice that you can give those whose spirits are low due to peer pressure? |
| A: |
|
Most teens respect the person who has the courage to say no, even if they do not voice their support. The ones that tease you…secretly wish they had also said no. Remember that every great person in history, even though he/she conformed to many rules, had the ability to stand up for his /her own values, even against great pressure. When you don’t give in to negative peer pressure…
• you gain a new level of self-acceptance
• you feel better about yourself
• your opportunities will not be limited (by pregnancy, health problems, jail terms, etc.)
• you are free to be yourself
• you are free to be creative and discover your talents
• you are free to pursue your goals in life without hassle or bother
• you gain friends and support in your various pursuits
Talk to your club president about doing more on campus to raise awareness of the STD epidemic and the emotional consequences of sex outside of marriage. Above all, don’t let go of your conviction. Choosing abstinence will bring a huge payoff in economic security, health, emotional well-being and marital happiness.
Dona Sunseri
GPA Regional Director |
|
| Q: |
|
I was led to your website after reading the current issue of The Nation. Out of curiosity i ran the percentages of STD's that you post under your "Stats and Figures" webpage. Is it true that in each and every parish in the state, 24.04 percent of its citizens have an STD. Where did you obtain this data? At first i thought i was doing the math wrong. Is this a statistical anomaly?
thanks
john quinn |
| A: |
|
According to the Centers for Disease Control, one in four Americans is infected with a Sexually Transmitted
Disease. This current rate of disease contrasts with the Sexually Transmitted Disease rate of 1 in 300 Americans noted approximately 30 years ago. CDC and
other epidemiologic resources monitor disease rates by varied methods related to the nature of the disease and other factors. For example, during "Flu" Season
every individual who is infected with the disease does not go to their medical provider nor report their diesase to medical officials. Therefore, the rate of
"Flu" infection and the number of cases of "Flu" is not derived from an actual count of each individual with the "Flu" but via epidemiologic surveillance
methods routinely employed by public health agencies and medical reseachers.
The GPA Summer 2000 Information Sheet which you referenced in your inquiry is derived from the clinical epidemiologic resources footnoted on the information sheet and, as indicated, notes an estimate
of the population of each Louisiana Parish (County)from census data, an extrapolation of that year's
population who were infected with STD's per parish based on historic national population estimates and STD estimates in each parish in Louisiana extrapolated
from the national rate of new cases of STDs (one in four Americans). The STD data on the GPA Information Sheet notes an extrapolation the STD rates based on
the national STD rate of 1 in 4 and the population estimates in each parish of the state.
Dee Burbank, MD, MPH
Louisiana GPA Medical Advisor |
|
| Q: |
|
Do you have any information to share with parents regarding the danger of oral sex? |
| A: |
|
Far from being considered a mere innocent means of showing affection or of “having fun,” oral sex poses a serious health risk of which parents should be aware. Although endorsed by some celebrities as an alternative to sexual intercourse which has the added advantage of avoiding the risk of pregnancy, oral sex is sex because sexual contact with the genitals occurs. Therefore, oral sex is a means of transmitting sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s).
In recent years, many middle schoolers and teens have sought to satisfy their sexual curiosity by engaging in oral sex with multiple partners thinking that there is no risk of negative consequences. However, current STD rates are at epidemic proportions, with one in four Americans having a STD. About two-thirds of the new cases of STD’s occur in the age group 15-24 years of age due primarily to the fact that they have multiple sexual partners. STD’s such as Syphilis, HIV, Herpes Simplex Virus I or HSV I (which causes oral “cold sores” as well as genital lesions), Herpes Simplex Virus II or HSV II (which causes genital lesions) and Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) are all transmitted via oral sex. At the present time, one in five Americans are infected with genital Herpes Simplex Virus. Infections caused by HIV, HSV and HPV are incurable. To make matters worse, the oral and genital lesions caused by some other STD’s can increase the risk of the infected individual developing HIV infection as well.
In addition to placing individuals at risk of developing STD’s, oral sex will also place individuals at risk of developing several types of cancers secondary to the STD’s. Furthermore, individuals whose initial intent was to only engage in oral-genital sexually activity during a particular sexual encounter, oftimes progress to genital sexual activity during the course of the encounter, placing them at risk of pregnancy as well STD’s. And let’s not forget that teen sexual activity has negative emotional and psychological consequences as well, with increased risks of depression and suicide occurring in sexually active teens.
Dee Burbank, MD, MPH
Louisiana GPA Medical Advisor |
|
| Q: |
|
How can you prevent HIV/AIDS? |
| A: |
|
The number of cases of HIV/AIDS has reached pandemic proportions since the disease was identified less than a generation ago. Globally there are 40 million people living with HIV/AIDS, with 5 million new infections and 3 million deaths due to HIV/AIDS noted in 2003. As of 2000, there were 21.8 million cumulative deaths due to HIV/AIDS worldwide. In the United States there are approximately 950,000 persons who have HIV and, of that number, 300,000 do not know that they have the disease. In 2002, 14, 095 persons died from HIV/AIDS in the USA. Furthermore, individuals who are infected with other STDs have greater susceptibility to HIV and individuals with HIV plus other STDs have a greater chance of transmitting HIV to their sexual partners that those infected with HIV alone.
Human Immunodeficiency Virus is transmitted by genital, anal and/or oral sexual contact with an individual who is infected with HIV, by sharing needles and/or syringes which have been contaminated with HIV, by receiving HIV contaminated blood or blood clotting factors, from needle sticks with needles contaminated with HIV and HIV can be transmitted from a HIV infected mother to her child during pregnancy, labor and delivery and breastfeeding. Many sources indicate premarital abstinence and marital fidelity is the only 100% safe way to prevent the transmission of HIV/AIDS by sexual transmission (as well as other STDs). According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,
“The surest way to avoid transmission of sexually transmitted diseases is to abstain from sexual intercourse or to be in a long-term mutually monogamous
relationship with a partner who has been tested and you know is uninfected.
… Condom use cannot guarantee protection against any STD.”
In 2000, under the leadership of the National Institute of Health and CDC, a comprehensive scientific review of condom effectiveness was conducted. The Researchers found that condoms, if consistently and correctly used each time, provided a 85% risk reduction against the transmission of HIV. This finding notes two key issues-that HIV infection risk reduction was related to consistent and correct condom usage and that condoms do not provide 100% protection against the transmission of HIV. Even studies that were conducted with adult sexual partners of individuals with HIV demonstrated a consistent and correct condom utilizations rate of only 56%. Furthermore, studies of brain development indicate that the area of the brain which is responsible for impulse control, anticipation of future consequences, judgment, planning, goal-setting and prioritizing, brain functions which would be necessary for the critical decision making involved in such endeavors as “consistent and correct condom usage,” is not fully developed until individuals reach their late teens or early 20’s.
With regards to non-sexual transmission of HIV/AIDS, judicious laboratory screening techniques can reduce the transmission of HIV/AIDS via blood products. Avoidance of needle/syringe sharing can prevent the transmission of HIV/AIDS from sharing needles and /or syringes. Prenatal and perinatal treatment of HIV/AIDS infected mothers can reduce the transmission of the disease to their babies. The use of Universal Precautions can reduce the risk of transmission of HIV/AIDS to Healthcare Workers and to household contacts (family members) of individuals infected with HIV/AIDS. And Healthcare Workers should seek treatment in the event of accidental needle stick in order to reduce their risk of developing HIV/AIDS.
Dee Burbank, MD, MPH
Louisiana GPA Medical Advisor |
|
| Q: |
|
I have a question: What if a person never gets married?
What if you never have sex because you're waiting for marriage, and then you turn 30, 35, 40, 45....and nobody ever wants to marry you? |
| A: |
|
Thank you for your genuine, heartfelt question. To set you at ease, many people wonder the same thing, both guys and girls. Here are a few thoughts to consider.
First,
Enjoy being a single young person. Marriage and a family brings a lot of responsibilities that tie a person down. As a single person, you should appreciate the fact that you can do many things a married person cannot do. Have fun and learn to build wholesome relationships that cause you to treat men and women as brothers and sisters. Singleness brings opportunities in life that may never come around again. Enjoy them while you can.
Secondly, sex is not the most important thing in life. Nor the best thing in life. Live your life and don't worry about finding a spouse. You have to grow, develop and learn to be comfortable by yourself before you can contribute to a relationship. Love is other-centered, not self-centered. Getting your self in order, helps you to be able to focus on another. Build yourself up by developing your character in a positive way, by practicing patience, and by striving for purity in all you do. Patience is tough and so is purity. Developing basic life skills (e.g., cooking, child care, home-repair tasks, vocational training) can further prepare you for building your own household some day. Finding the right life partner is a matter of working to become the right life partner. Sex is only a tiny part of a beautiful marriage relationship. A whole lot more goes into a marriage relationship.
Lastly, realize it takes a whole lot of people to make the world go round. Everyone is not meant to be married. Most will be. Make your place in this world. You can be happy and make a difference in the world regardless of whether you are single or married. It's far better to be happy and single than divorced or married and unhappy. Take your time. Don't rush things.
Warren Dazzio
Marriage and Family Counselor
Baton Rouge, LA |
|
| Q: |
|
Does the Louisiana GPA have a creed? |
| A: |
|
The goal of the GPA is to reduce out of wedlock teen pregnancy and the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases by promoting abstinence until marriage. For more information, such as our definition of abstinence, see the information in the LaGPA section of our site.
One of the first projects of the college division of the GPA in the next school year will be to design a GPA mission statement in the students' own words.
AbstinencEdu.com |
|
| Q: |
|
How can you tell if a guy has a sexually transmitted disease? I'm a virgin and plan to stay that way, but I don't want to date or be around a guy who is infected with a sexually transmitted disease. Are there any signs I should be aware of? -- Nameless, Tampa, Fla. |
| A: |
|
Outward appearances are unlikely to give any indication that someone has an STD. Most infected people look healthy and many aren't even aware they're infected, increasing the chance that they'll spread their contagion to others.
Since you intend to remain a virgin, you needn't worry. Sexual abstinence is the one way to be 100 percent safe from sexually transmitted diseases.
Dr. Robert Wallace, columnist, Holland Sentinel Features, 02-24-05 |
|
| Q: |
|
Is there any way to cure genital
warts? Or is there any way to supress outbreaks? How do I get rid of current outbreaks? How easily does this spread? |
| A: |
|
Genital Warts are caused by infection with Human Papilloma Virus (HPV). HPV is the leading cause of STD’s in the United States and is responsible for 5.5 million new cases each year. In most instances HPV infection is subclinical (manifests no symptoms); however, these individuals are still contagious and can spread the infection to others. There are 100 strains of HPV. Several strains cause genital warts but high risk strains cause cancer of the vulva, vagina, cervix, anus and penis and are associated with cancers in other organs such as the throat, esophagus and prostate.
Human Papilloma Virus Infection and therefore, Genital Warts has no cure. There are treatments available for Genital Warts via an extended series of applications of creams or solutions (Aldada, Condylox, TCA, etc.), or via freezing the Genital Warts (Cryotherapy), or via surgical methods to burn (Laser or Electrocautery) or to excise (cut away) the genital warts. Genital Wart treatment method selection relates to such factors as the size of the warts, the number of warts and the location of the warts. Recurrence of the Genital Warts often occurs after treatment and removal of the warts does not ensure that the individual is noncontagious. Even if visible warts are removed, the normal appearing skin next to the wart may be infected with HPV and therefore be a source for the development of new warts. Furthermore, simultaneous infection with multiple strains of HPV occurs; thus, individuals who have been treated for Genital Warts may be unaware that they are infected with a high risk cancer causing strain of HPV which, at the time, is without symptoms.
HPV is easily spread by skin to skin contact in the genital or anal area, including the thighs (even if there are no symptoms), via genital and anal sexual activity, fondling of genitals and by oral-genital sexual activity. Condoms do not cover the entire genital area of the body and numerous studies have demonstrated that condoms do NOT prevent the spread of HPV infection. On the contrary, with regards to protection against HPV, use of condoms only offers a false sense of security that individuals are protected against HPV.
Studies have shown that there are various predisposing factors to developing HPV Infections (including Genital Warts). They are:
1) Early age of onset of sexual activity
2) Sexual activity with multiple partners
3) Sexual activity with partners who have had multiple sexual partners
4) Sexual activity with individuals who have had prior HPV genital cancers
The HPV infections which cause Genital Warts, just like other STD’s, are not just minor inconveniences. Commitment to a lifestyle of premarital abstinence affords individuals the opportunity to maintain their health and wellbeing without the risk of infection from STD’s.
Dee Burbank, MD, MPH
Louisiana GPA Medical Advisor |
|
| Q: |
|
I am doing some research for an English paper on abstinence education and was wondering if you could point me toward some articles on the emotional benefits and studies to this effect. I have plenty of physical effects, but can't find articles specifically dealing with this...any help would be much appreciated! Thank you! |
| A: |
|
Try browsing the Student Coffeehouse and the Library, especially Library/FamilyTime/Resources and Teachers'Lounge/Resources. Some great studies have come out in the last year or so documenting the non-physical consequences of premarital sex.
AbstinencEdu.com |
|
| Q: |
|
What is the most common STD? I have had conflicting answers: I read from an Assos. Press article about the CDC that chlamydia was, but I have also read HPV was the most common STD. |
| A: |
|
There are over 15 million new cases of STD's in the United States each year. Human Papilloma Virus is the cause of 5.5 million cases of STD's each year and
Chlamydia causes 3 million new cases of STD's each year.
Chlamydia is the leading "reportable STD" as opposed to being the STD with the leading incidence (HPV).
Dee Burbank, MD, MPH
Louisiana GPA Medical Advisor |
|
| Q: |
|
I'm a junior in high school, and my boyfriend, a senior, wants us to have sex. Some of my friends have had sex with a few guys. Some feel, for religious reasons, it's very important to wait until marriage. But that's probably going to be years and years away for me--maybe not until I'm 30. Do you think I should wait?
--Unsure |
| A: |
|
Should you have sex with your high school boyfriend? My answer is simple: No. You should wait. This is not for the reasons that you have likely heard from priests and parents--dictates of morality and virtue. Rather, it is for a reason that should strike you as much more relevant and worthy. I advise you to wait because you will be a happier and healthier adult for having done so.
Please do not write this off as a religious figure telling you what the Bible says is best. On the contrary, my response derives from years and years of speaking with young women who decided to have sex much earlier than they actually wanted to, with men they weren't sure loved them or with whom they weren't sure they were in love. It comes from sitting in on many a tear-ridden epiphany when a girl realized she had slept with her boyfriend for precisely the reason that you offer in your letter--"because he wanted to"--and that this reason had completely eliminated her needs from the equation.
Keep in mind that life is meant to happen in stages. When we skip ahead to reach a stage that we are not yet ready for, we suffer repercussions. In your situation, the consequences range from an unwanted pregnancy (at an age when you should be focused on college and soccer games and the prom) to the wish that you had your full physical self to give to the man you will eventually love and share your life with. Another very real aftermath of engaging in sex before one is ready is the risk that you will learn not to enjoy it. Sex for sex's sake causes many women to dread the act. They come to view it as an obligation. Gauging the tentative language in your letter, I can only deduce that you yourself are not ready to take this major step.
Is this boy aware that you are hesitant to become sexually active? Does your hesitancy register with him, or is he only intent on satisfying his physical urges, allowing his desires to eclipse all else? A situation like this could be a very accurate measure of this boy's character. A man who does not respect the wishes of the woman he is with does not truly love that woman. If you express your wish to wait, and he continues to push his agenda, what does this say about him?
Physical intimacy will not have a solid foundation until true emotional intimacy has been established. This progression is relevant whether you are 16 or 60. If physical intimacy is attempted before an emotional base is well-established, the chances of a lasting relationship are slim. Do not skip steps. Lay your foundations--in life and in your relationships--and then build up.
I am also a bit troubled by your reference to "waiting until you are 30" for marriage. I hear this statement more frequently every day. I find it genuinely troubling that an entire generation of young people has decided en masse that love and relationships fall way down on their priority list. Sure, they will spend untold hours at work--sacrificing sleep and well-being in order to get ahead--but they will not commit to more than 60 minutes of chitchat at Starbucks when meeting a potential love interest. To simply declare, when you are only 16 years old, that you will not marry until 30 seems to be ruling out all the possibilities for love you may encounter over the next 14 years.
What happens if at only 23 you meet the man you know you wish to spend your life with? Do you say, "I must wait until 30 because that is the resolution I made"? What chances for happiness you will miss if you stick to your "rule"! Besides, deciding that love is a luxury and not a need will close you off to ever finding it. I have seen this happen time and again. If you are not open and willing to accept the feeling when it comes, it will bounce right off you, and a potentially wonderful opportunity for a permanent commitment will be missed.
Rabbi Schmuley Boteach
Beliefnet.com |
|
| Q: |
|
How many people in Louisiana contract an STD every day? |
| A: |
|
There are 15.3 Million new cases of STD's in the United States each year. In Louisiana there are approximately 300,000 new cases each year which averages to be 822 needless, preventable STD cases every day in Louisiana.
Dee Burbank, MD, MPH
Louisiana GPA Medical Advisor |
|
| Q: |
|
Who founded GPA? Thank you all soo much for this, this is soo awesome. |
| A: |
|
The GPA began over five years ago in Louisiana when the federal government designated $1.6 million dollars from Welfare Reform Act funds to spread the abstinence message in our state. The governor at that time, Governor Mike Foster, appointed former state senator Dan Richey to oversee the program.
The GPA has grown faster and become more popular among Louisiana students than most of us could have imagined. In fact, there are already over 5,000 GPA club members in 250 high schools and a health curriculum which will be taught to 40,000 middle-school students this school year.
There's more information about the GPA in the Louisiana GPA section on this website. You can get there from the home page.
We're glad you think it's awesome. |
|
| Q: |
|
I have not had sex. Can I get an STD from someone's hands? |
| A: |
|
As most of our mothers have told us early in our childhoods, hands can spread disease. If an individual's hands/fingers have contacted a source of infection-an infected genital area or mouth, they
could be a source for the spread of disease, including STD's, if they contact the genital area or mouth of another individual. Factors which influence the likelihood of this type of contact being a source for the spread of disease include the number of organisms on the hands (which can't be determined by just looking), length of time the hands contact the other individual's genital area (brief contact with hands that are carrying a large amount of organism can spread the disease), the condition of the other individual's genital areas such as breaks in the skin (breaks in the skin can be inside the body and therefore they will not be seen), and the presence of current STD infection in the individual who has been touched with the hands (current infection with certain STD's increases the risk of contacting other STD's).
Dee Burbank, MD, MPH
Louisiana GPA Medical Advisor |
|
| Q: |
|
Is it possible to get STD's by kissing? |
| A: |
|
Currently in the U.S. there are over 25 organisms which cause STD's. Some of these organism, just as some other organisms which do not cause STD's, can be
spread by oral contact. The type of tissue in the mouth is similar to that of the genital area and therefore, some STD's can be spread by oral contact
and/or by genital contact. Individuals who engage in so called "french kissing", which involves extensive contact between the mouths of two individuals, and
those individuals who engage in oral sex are at risk of contracting STD's if they engage in these activites with individuals who have certain STD's, in
particular, Human Papilloma Virus and Candidiasis.
Dee Burbank, MD, MPH
Louisiana GPA Medical Advisor |
|
| Q: |
|
Our 12-year-old likes a boy at her school and wants to "go" with him. It seems "going together" is really just a term her friends use for two people who like each other—our daughter isn't really interested in dating this boy. Is it all right to let our daughter do this? |
| A: |
|
Learn the lingo. As you mentioned, "going together" at 12 does not mean the same thing as it does at 15 or 16. At 12, it usually means that a boy and a girl like each other....
Written from a faith perspective.
For complete answer, go to Preteen "Dating."
Karen L. Maudlin, Psy.D., is the mother of two and a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in marriage and family therapy. She is the author of Sticks and Stones. |
|
| Q: |
|
How would I start a GPA club at my school? |
| A: |
|
The first step, if you live in Louisiana, is to contact your Regional Director or Club Coordinator. (If you don't live in our state, talk to your favorite teacher and find out how clubs are approved at your school. Finding a faculty sponsor and a core group of interested students is the place to begin.)
On the GPA website, click on "Key Contacts" under the "Louisiana GPA" menu. When the map appears, click on the region in which your high school is located. The name and email of your Regional Director/Club Coordiantor will be listed. Let him/her know that you want to start a club, and he/she will be thrilled to help you. (If you cannot reach your regional director/club coordinator, please contact our Club Facilitator, Susan Rabb at susan_rabb@bellsouth.net) |
|
| Q: |
|
What is the effect of HPV on males? I have read that HPV is asymtomatic, but what about genital warts? Don't males get that? And women, they can get both warts and cervical cancer? Or is it one or the other because it depends on the strain of HPV? |
| A: |
|
Human Papilloma Virus infects both males and females. There are 100 strains of this virus. Most cases of infection with HPV manifest no symptoms, but the individuals are still infected and still contagious.
Some strains cause genital warts. These warts can occur in the genital, anal and oropharyngeal areas of the body in males and females. However, there are high risk strains of HPV which cause cervical and penile cancer. HPV is spread by skin to skin contact. Condoms do NOT prevent the spread of this infection.
Dee Burbank, MD, MPH
Louisiana GPA Medical Advisor |
|
| Q: |
|
If your mom and dad approve of the boy you are going out with, and you go to the movies, how can you show your affection for him without indicating that you will do whatever he asks, even sex? |
| A: |
|
Miss America 2003, Erica Harold, recently addressed a group of young people at Redemptorist High School in Baton Rouge. Erica's platform as Miss America 2003 is "teen abstinence." One of the teens asked her, "Has your stance on abstinence caused problems in the area of dating for you?" Erica calmly responded, "Not at all. When I am asked out on a date, I let the men know up front where I stand. I tell them, 'I will remain chaste until I get married. If that is a problem for you, we might as well not go out.' They learn quickly to take me as I am or take a hike. No problem." The 900 teens listening burst into applause.
As a young man, I appreciated knowing where girls stood. You may not choose to use those words, but clearly communicating where you stand goes a long way to help in any dating situation. Not only will it take out a lot of the mind games played in dating, it will also send a message to other guys. The message that you respect yourself, have self confidence, and you stand for principles. Young men that also share your same commitment will learn that and will often seek you out because they share the same values. The same pertains to guys. Just because a girl shows a lot of affection, they should be strong enough to take a stand and not simply "give in" to another's false expectations.
Don't think you have to show all kinds of affection on early dates just because that's what society says is the "thing to do." The only affection I would show a young man on the first date is perhaps a short hug at the end of the night. Once you've dated a few times, the two of you can decide what types of affection are appropriate, sticking to the principles on which you stand.
Warren Dazzio
Marriage and Family Life
Baton Rouge, LA |
|
| Q: |
|
What is masturbation? |
| A: |
|
Masturbation is the name given to sexual stimulation of oneself. Medical terminology of previous decades used the term "self abuse." The term is not far off the mark if one considers that abuse of anything is the use of it in a manner not intended or not reflecting its nature.
Medical authorities and others frequently suggest masturbation as a manner of releasing sexual tension. This casual attitude was bolstered by the fraudulent reports of one Alfred Kinsey in 1948 when he argued that repression of sexual desire was dangerous and unhealthy.
Over the years, something that was once hidden, reserved for sexually explicit magazines, etc., is now openly joked about on network television. Former US Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, MD, was fired for recommending that this activity be taught to children in schools.
Part of the reason for the recommendations is the desperate measures that some authorities feel compelled to take to cut back on unmarried teenage pregnancy. Their feeling is that self-stimulation will somehow cut down on actual sexual activity.
The evidence does not bear this out.
Self stimulation relies heavily on the use of pornography. Pornography and graphic imagery usually fuel the desire to act out sexually rather than repressing it. As evidence, witness the spate of child sexual murders committed by adults. Over 85% of the crime scene investigations discover pornography, according the United States Department of Justice.
Masturbation is addictive. The capturing of the imagination during self stimulation is habit-forming. As a result, some people come to prefer self stimulation to actual intercourse. This explains why even married people often continue in a pattern of pornography and masturbation.
It is very easy for teens to get into a habit of masturbation that precludes them from doing more productive things that will add to the success in their lives. Besides being a waste of time, it trains the body to respond to self more than other people.
Sex is a physical and spiritual exchange between two people, a progressive bonding experience, an expression of intimacy. The marriage will not endure if one is more interested in self than one's spouse.
John R. Diggs, Jr., MD |
|
| Q: |
|
If you really like a boy and he asks you to have sex what should you say? How do you know if that is all he wants? |
| A: |
|
Dear K---,We had a speaker here in Louisiana awhile back, Mike Long, who talked about the very problem that you are struggling with--how do you know if a boy just wants sex from you or if he really loves you? Mike has a system he calls the "love test." He says that you should tell the boy "no"--for whatever your reasons are--and then stick to your decision. Then just watch to see what he does. If all he wanted was sex, then he won't be there very long if you don't give it to him. If he loves you for yourself, he'll want to be with you even if you don't have sex with him. And that's because true love doesn't use other people; it wants what's best for them. Why would you settle for anything less?
AbstinencEdu.com |
|
| Q: |
|
I read that every 31 sec. a teen becomes pregnant and every 8 sec. a teen contracts an STD. I don't kow the source of this info, but are these current stats and can they be quoted as facts? Any info would be greatly appreciated. |
| A: |
|
Dear Elizabeth,During 2000 there were 377,675 females under age 20 years who delivered babies. Therefore the frequency for delivery for females under age 20 years was one baby born to a female under 20 years of age every 84 seconds. This data does not provide complete information regarding the number of females under age 20 years who becmae pregnant during 2002 because the data does not include information regarding those pregnant females less than 20 years of age who becmepregnant but subsequently loss their babies due to miscarriage or abortion.Currently it is estimated that there are 15.3 million new cases of STD's per year in the US. Of that number, 67 % occur in the age group 15-24 years of age. Since there are 31,536,000 seconds in a year it can be concluded that one individual between the ages 15-24 years is infected with a STD every 3 seconds in the US.
Dee Burbank, MD, MPHNew Orleans, LALouisiana GPA Medical Advisor |
|
| Q: |
|
What do you do at a Pelvic Exam? |
| A: |
|
Try this link to a page on the National Cancer Institute site that explains this procedure: http://www.nci.nih.gov/cancerinfo/having-a-pelvic-exam.
AbstinencEdu.com |
|
| Q: |
|
I am 21 years old, and I am glad to say that I am a virgin but the real reason I guess is because I haven't really been tempted. Up till now I haven't had a serious boyfriend so it hasn't been hard at all. I have seen your website and I was so intrigued and I am really thinking about making the commitment. There are just a few things I would like to know. I have read alot about what is posted on your website and they seem to be aimed for teens and highschool student does this mean that I am just a rarety in asking this. I mean are there college kids like me thinking about this? If there are I would love to read about it or get to know somene or anything that won't make me feel like a loner and that I am crazy for wanting to do this. Also I am a christian and I think I know the impotance of what all this means. I say think because I want reassurance I guess. I just don't want to pledge because I am alone as of now and have a real hard time with it later on whenever I get into a real commited relationship. I am probably crazy for telling you this but I would love to get it off my chest and I guess no one better to listen right?Well I have 2 sisters one is 28 and the other is 25 we all live together and I recently found out that my 28 year old sister had sex with her 2 years long boyfriend and maybe with one other man. my other sister she is 25 and she has been going out with her boyfriend for 6 years and I also found out she has been having sex. Now 2 things cross my mind. I know how commited my sister and her boyfriend are and they are probably going to get married someday so in that sense I don't see it that bad you know? But then again when I found out I was crushed. I was really devastated because the 3 of us have been raised the same very catholic, we go to church every sunday and we are all good christians, so to find out that my sister is doing this just made me uneasy I guess. I guess I stopped looking up to her (she is so perfect) don't get me wrong she is wondefful she helps the needy and around the house and is an example to follow in almost every aspect but something inside me tells me what she is doing is wrong. Am I being crazy?Please give me advice and reassure me why it is so important to be abstinent, I know in my gut that it is the right thing to do but who knows maybe I will fall in love and this will be a lot harder to handle. Do you really believe true love waits??????? |
| A: |
|
I am excited to answer your question, "Do you really believe true love waits???????" The answer is yes! I am also thrilled to confirm that you are not the only college-aged person to think about abstinence. I graduated from college less than one year ago, and in my 5 ½ years of campus living, the majority of my peers thought about abstinence. In fact, I asked several sexually active acquaintances of mine if they regretted giving away their virginity. The answer was unanimous--they all said YES! and wish they could go back and save themselves for their husband. I also have single male and female friends that are in their 30’s that are committed to abstinence until they are married. Just this week my cousin, who attends college in Colorado, asked me for advice on remaining sexually pure until marriage because she and her friends want to continue living in sexual purity until they are married. Sex is a sacred unity and a wonderful gift within the parameters of marriage. I can attest to that because I am now married. I, like you, was not tempted sexually, but things changed when I developed a friendship with my husband before we were married. I want to share with you a little test that I used that helped me remain pure. Since I was a teenager & long before I ever met my husband, I would judge my actions by the following: If deep down inside I felt a little strange about a situation, I would ask myself if I would want my future husband (and now my husband) to be in the situation in which I was putting myself. If the answer was no, I didn’t do it. If the answer was maybe, I didn’t do it even if I really wanted to do it (and there were several things I really wanted to do). I applied this thought not just to se, but also to situations that could lead to more, such as being in a home alone with a young man (even if I wasn’t attracted to him) or being at a party where there was alcohol. Although I am married, I still adhere to this so-called “test.” Whenever I use this test, I am always safe from sexual confrontations, and I am so thankful that I didn’t place myself in potentially compromising situations. The Bible says, “Above all else guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of life.” I believe it is better to guard your purity with everything you have, even if it means missing out on a night of fun with friends.It is a must to hang out with friends that believe the way you do. The Bible says, “Bad company corrupts good character.” In high school, I joined Passion 4 Purity, which was a group of young people ages 12-30 who were committed to remaining sexually pure—physically, emotionally, and mentally—until marriage. When I went to college, I hung around with friends that were committed to a lifestyle of purity. I also joined groups that promoted a pure lifestyle, such as my church’s college fellowship and the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Carmen, I wish I could tell you how awesome it is to be a pure bride, and then marry and live with the man that God created for you—the man of your dreams. I would not trade that for one million dollars, and my husband wouldn’t trade it either. We have peace in our lives and we trust each other. I am so glad that I kept those sexual experiences and emotions for my husband, the man of my dreams. I hope that every young lady and young man will recognize the sacredness of sex because it is soooo special. Another thing I want to mention to you is this—the first time you have sex is absolutely awkward and it can be very humiliating if you are with the wrong person. I am glad I waited for my husband, and I hope that you will guard your heart and your purity with your life.
Gina, Passion4Purity Board member, New York |
|
| Q: |
|
I am a high school senior planning on doing a abstinence speech to my health class. Unfortunately I can't use anything faith based, but I really need material that is original, convicting, and show the case of abstinence and purity. Please Help! Any examples, stories, points,or quotes would be greatly appriciated. |
| A: |
|
The medical arguments for abstinence until marriage would be a natural approach for a health class. Why don't you browse in the Library/Medical Info section? Last year's NIH/CDC study on condoms and STD's is a good place to start. Our In the News page also has much up-to-date information on the latest medical emphasis in many abstinence curricula. |
|
| Q: |
|
What is the estimated budget in the U.S. for sex education? |
| A: |
|
If by "sex education" you mean "safe sex" instruction, it is difficult to give a precise answer because funding for contraceptive-based education is included in the budgets of many federal departments. However, one estimate appears in a research paper dealing with the debate over the reauthorization of abstinence funding in Congress this summer and fall. According to Jennifer Garrett, "The share of government funds devoted to abstinence education is very small--the federal government spends only $102 million on abstinence education compared with the $1.1 billion being spent on safe-sex, contraception, and pregnancy prevention programs." For access to the entire paper, see Library/FamilyTime/Tips&Articles on this website. Recent information on federal funding can also be found on In the News and in archived newsletters. |
|
| Q: |
|
What is the percentage of difference between those with an incurable STD and those with a curable STD? |
| A: |
|
Dear Jamie:According to the Centers for Disease Control, it is estimated that the prevalence of STD's in the United Stated is 68 million cases. Of the 68 million cases, it is estimated that 65 million cases of STD's are caused by viruses (incurable). Therefore about 95% of all cases of STD's in this country are incurable. Since the Sexual Revolution of 30 years ago, the causes of STD's have largely changed from bacterial (curable)to viral ( incurable). Thanks for your question.Dee Burbank, MD, MPHNew Orleans, LALouisiana GPA Medical Advisor |
|
| Q: |
|
My 12-yr-old son experienced his first incident of French kissing (on a dare) with two girls, aged 12 and 10. How do you suggest I handle this? I am a single mom. His father is in prison and lacks moral character so is of no help. |
| A: |
|
It is likely that this is not the first time that he has tried it and the idea of a "dare" with two girls, both vastly underage makes it sound like maybe it was a kissing party. Our question is, "What is a twelve year old boy doing at a kissing party with a ten year old girl?" Some of her secret is in making sure that she knows where he is after school, on weekends, and late at night (Is there a possibility that he is leaving the house?). The second suggestion is to find a male mentor or role model at church who can spend a little time with him each week. A youth ministry may be an answer depending upon what grade he is in. Thirdly, make sure that she is in touch with the parents of the other kids that he is allowed to hang around. It may be that she can work together with other parents to make supervision a little easier. Finally, get in touch with teachers and guidance counselors at school. While you cannot accept everything at face value, these are important relationships.Youth Ministry class R. Allen Jackson, PhD Youth Ministry Institute New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary Thula, you and your son might also benefit greatly from Angel Tree, a faith-based service to children of prisoners. You can contact them at:Angel TreePO Box 1550Merrifield, VA 22116-1550800-55-ANGEL (phone)http://www.angeltree.orgwebmaster@angeltree.orgAbstinencEdu.com |
|
| Q: |
|
Hi, My name is Sam. I want to know if u can get a STD from having oral sex? I am not sure what the true answer is. I also want to know if u would have sex that can you get a STD even if using protection? |
| A: |
|
These are very important questions. A June 2001 report (available on the GPA website) which reviewed the effectiveness of condoms against STD's concluded that there is only a 85% risk reduction against HIV in males and females, a 49-75% risk reduction against Gonorrhea in males only and the report stated that there is no scientific evidence that condoms reduce the risk of becoming infected with the other 23 major STD's. This is a significant risk because 1 in 4 Americans have at least one STD.Furthermore, HPV, the leading STD in America, as well as other STD's, is spread by oral sex. Additionally, a few STD's are spread by skin to skin contact in the genital area even when there are no symptoms present and during such activites as "petting."Dee Burbank, MD, MPHNew Orleans, LALouisiana GPA Medical Advisor |
|
| Q: |
|
My friend is thinking about having sex. She's only 15. She knows the facts and consequences,but it's not enough. Please help. I don't want anything to happen. What should I do to convince her to kepp her virginity and hold it sacred until she's married? |
| A: |
|
Dear Mya, My name is Megan and I am 17. I attend a Christian school where I see many girls like your friend. We have had many speakers discuss the same sort of thing with our students, and I find it is very difficult to get anyone interested in it. I don't know what your friend's background may be as far as a good, solid foundation or stronghold, but perhaps you can be one for her. Have you tried sharing the reasons why you made the decision to wait? Have you or your friend ever been in a pleasant "relationship" and felt that terrible feeling after that same "relationship" is "broken-up"? When you have sex with someone, you feel that same relationship bond magnified millions, billions of times over - because sex is meant to be part of the union between one man and one woman for the rest of their lives, and when sex is used (abused) outside of marriage, it creates a false union. So when you break up with this person that you have had sex with, guess how it is going to feel? Millions, billions of times more hurtful than any simple "relationship." Another thing to take into account is how it will make her feel. Is she trying to fit in, stand out, be "cool"? Perhaps she should consider her future, does she intend to ever marry in the future? Probably. But I doubt her future husband would appreciate the fact that she gave up her virginity to fit in with people who she will probably not even be speaking to in years to come! Tell your friend that abstaining from sex until entering a loving marriage will give her the freedom to acheive true self-esteem - to be really, truly, "cool" in God's eyes as well as yours and mine. It also frees her from a broken heart. If you have any more questions, or if your friend would like to ask me something herself, I am also a P4P Online Advisor, and she can visit the P4P website at www.passion4purity.org to reach myself and other members of P4P. We also have things like devotions and links to help you in your valiant effort to help your friend. I pray that my answer will be of some help to you, if not now, then in the future. Feel free to write back if you need anything else! Yours In Purity, Megan |
|
| Q: |
|
My 14-year old niece is dating a 22-year old man for four months now. I am extremely concerned although her mother doesn't thinks it's a big deal. What should/can I do? |
| A: |
|
The mother of a 14-year-old who doesn't have problems with her daughter dating a 22-year-old should have her head examined! If her aunt can speak to her and give her some of the facts, that may help. However, if they are engaging in sexual activity, it will be very difficult to convince her of anything. Only her infatuation for this 22-year-old man will register in her brain. The bonding has already taken place. But it's worth a try!As the director of a crisis pregnancy center, just this week, we've had the mothers of a 12-year-old and a 15-year-old come in with their daughters who were pregnant. Both mothers wanted abortions for their daughters because they didn't want their "babies to have babies."Statistics show that fourteen year olds should not be dating at all, especially not a 22 year old. In addition to the possibility of getting pregnant out of wedlock, the younger a person starts dating the more likely he/she is to engage in sexual activity and contract a sexually transmitted disease. Sexually transmitted diseases are among the most common infections in the United States today. Some are deadly diseases and have no cure. These sexually transmitted diseases have the possibility of negatively affecting their reproductive system. They are looking at life and death decisions when they should be enjoying their latency years.Brenda DesormeauxRegion 8 Curriculum CoordinatorLouisiana Governor's Program on AbstinenceAt their ages, if this couple becomes sexually involved, the young man could also be charged with statutory rape in many states. (Ed. note) |
|
| Q: |
|
Hello. My name is Ryann Dow. I'm a student from East Jessamine high school in Kentucky. I want to know if it's true that STD's can cause blindness? |
| A: |
|
There are at least two STD's that can cause blindness due the disease or its complications (syphilis and AIDS). These occur in the person who has gotten the disease. There are added problems for the babies born of mothers who have certain STD's ... gonorrhea in particular. Newborns get drops in their eyes to prevent damage caused by gonorrhea and chlamydia infection (Ed.note) |
|
| Q: |
|
I am 14 and I am so tired of my school saying if you are in love it's ok to have sex. I have recently made a True Love Waits commitment and I asked my teacher if I could talk about it. I get to share my commitment to my class but I'm not sure how I will be able to deal with the questions and comments from the students. I know God is calling me to do this but I am just not sure how the students will take this. Could you tell me how in the past it has worked out for you guys? |
| A: |
|
Bethany, Hi! My name is Kaleena, I'm 18, and a senior in high school. I amso happy and excited that you have made a commitment to wait. I don'tknow what your school environment is like, but I do know what it feelslike to be bombarded with questions and comments from misinformed peers.I also know that it is hard to keep your head up and be true to yourbeliefs when there are people saying that "if you're in love, it's ok."It is not, and I'm glad you have the maturity and wise sense to knowthis, especially at 14, when others are just learning this at 40. Ihave had to explain to many why I believe waiting until marriage is theonly safe and right way. I know it can be discouraging when others turna deaf ear, but you have to grow from it and go on to the next person,later returning to the first when they have had time to absorb what youhave said. Hearing about waiting is a scary concept to some and cantake a while to soak in. [If you understand what I'm saying. :-)] Godwill help you to explain what you mean in a way that is different foreveryone so that they can understand it too. He will provide the words,if you let Him. Let Him lead your discussion, and answer the questionsof your peers. I know it will be hard and scary to get up in front ofyou class and share your commitment, but please know that God isstanding beside you the whole way. Have courage and answer the questionsas God wants you to. You are only STRONGER through this and areTOUCHING OTHERS through it. Kaleena (Leena)And another answer for Bethany...Dear Bethany, My name is Megan and I am 17. I just returned from a two week trip to Washington D.C., where I visited the Heritage Foundation, one of the nation's leading think tanks. If you visit their website, www.heritage.org, or go directly to www.heritage.org/library/categories/healthwell/bg1051.html you can see some of the articles these great men and women have written on abstience. It is truly wonderful that you, at 14, have the same knowledge of abstinence and purity as these "old" men and women. When I was younger, my mother kept trying to buy a purity ring for me. I told her it was pointless because many kids had them at my school and it meant nothing. (I go to a private christian school) Then a few years later I bought my own True Love Waits ring, and it means alot more to me just being given a ring. Just two years ago I went though a program called the Silver Ring Thing (www.thesilverringthing.com) where I received a different ring that I give to my husband when I am married, and he may place it on my finger after the wedding ring, or save it for our daughter. I have started a branch of a purity organization called Passion4Purity (P4P) at my school, and I find it is difficult to get others to participate. Alot of kids feel that it is just not "cool", because they want to fit in. I am also a P4P Online Advisor, where you can visit the P4P website www.passion4purity.org, with any other questions you may have. There are also many other things like statistics and devotions that may help you in speaking to your peers. Thank you for being a leader. They may not follow you right away, but you will have your own self respect and dignity, which is worth much more than their opinions. It's not always easy going against the flow. Let me know if you have any other questions. Yours in Purity, Megan |
|
| Q: |
|
I was listening to Dr. Laura today and I heard a mother call about her 16 year old daughter pledging abstinence and wanting a promise ring that signifies this. I was wondering if you could tell me where I could get information on these rings, such as what they look like and where I might find one. Any information would be helpfulThank you |
| A: |
|
There is a growing market for jewelry worn by young people to symbolize their commitment to remain sexually pure until they marry. Necklaces and rings are especially popular, but any item which is meaningful to the wearer is just as effective. (See the main message board on this site for ideas.) In addition to the sources listed below, check your local religious book stores and jewelry stores for other options. Some parents incorporate familiar symbols such as hearts, knots, or crosses into their own designs. True Love Waits designs:Factory 79 Inc.--www.factory79.comJR Design---www.scripturejewelry.comOthers:MNM Products---www.mnmproducts.comPassion 4 Purity--www.passion4purity.orgTreasured Values--www.treasuredvalues.com |
|
| Q: |
|
Freeing myself to reach for the best life has to offer, I promise to abstain from sexual involvement from this day until I enter a marriage relationship".That's fine, at least for those who desire and plan to get married at some point in their lives. What about people like me (now in my 40's), and there are many like me, who have no desire to get married (note-I regularly have monogomous relationships with women). Are we supposed to stay abstinent all of our lives? |
| A: |
|
Why would you want to have a series of monogamous relationships instead of marriage? God's plan is for us not to be alone, but to have one spouse for life. When you are 55 and have a heart attack or cancer of the colon, which of these many women will be there for you? No one. Your commitment is to self-indulgence, not to wholly loving a woman -- and being loved -- as God intended. You will end up a lonely old man unless you move from selfishness to selflessness. It is your decision, but you have made the wrong one for 20 years. At the time I was in my 40's, my sons were teenagers, and are now in their 30's, and are a blessing to my wife and me. Where is your investment in the next generation? However, there is still time to build a marriage that could give you joy for the next 30 or 40 years. It would be sad to choose bachelorhood, as I see it.
Michael J. McManus, nationally-syndicated columnist, Co-Founder & PresidentMarriage Savers www.marriagesavers.org |
|
| Q: |
|
Does having an abortion increase the risk of breast cancer? |
| A: |
|
Breast cancer is a deadly disease affecting over 180,000 American women every year. Not all of the factors contributing to the increasing numbers of affected women are known. However, a careful analysis of the scientific evidence does demonstrate that induced abortion, especially occurring before a woman has had a full-term pregnancy, increases that woman’s likelihood of developing breast cancer. Many medical experts are convinced that induced abortion is the single most avoidable risk factor associated with breast cancer. Therefore, the medical community should be obligated to inform women and girls of all the evidence of this risk when they are considering abortion (especially since this is the most commonly performed elective surgery in the U.S.). As Dr. Stuart Donnan, editor-in-chief of the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health remarked, “I believe that if you take a view (as I do), which is often called “pro-choice”—you need at the same time to have a view which might be called “pro-information,” without excessive paternalistic censorship (or interpretation) of the data.”[xi] Clearly, additional research into the abortion – breast cancer link is needed in order to establish more precise risk levels for different groups of women. However, the overall significant connection is already established by an overwhelming preponderance of the data...." Conclusion of Position Statement on the Abortion-Breast Cancer Connection by National Physicians Center for Family Resources. For full document, see http://www.geocities.com/egjnpc/abc.link.htm. UPDATE: A new British study released in December 2001 draws a direct link between abortion and breast cancer. Women who have had an abortion are up to twice as likely to suffer from breast cancer, according to research involving women from four European countries. Read about it: http://news.ninemsn.com.au/health/story_23048.asp |
|
| Q: |
|
Why should I become abstinent? There's been no peer pressure from anyone, I'm absolutely sure I won't be getting any STD's, and I'm sure I'm in love with this guy. So, why NOT have sex with him? I'm not obsessed with having sex and I know that's not even the half of a relationship, but I want to. So, I state again, why should I become abstinent? |
| A: |
|
Katie,Thanks for your honesty. First a question: you wrote, "Why should I become abstinent?" which makes me wonder if you are already sexually involved with this guy (or other guys). Do you mean, "why should I remain abstinent?" or do you mean "why should I back away now?" My answer will be pretty much the same, but it is much harder to renegotiate a sexual relationship after you have become intimate.I know that as an intelligent woman, you can take precautions to reduce the risk of something unwanted happening to you physiologically. I know that, if you're lucky, you may not get pregnant or get an STD, though neither is a certainty (any more than it is for some married people). So I won't pretend that you are not smart enough to be aware of the physical unpleasantries. But let's put that aside for the moment. Food for thought. You said that you know that sex is not the only part of the relationship. Would it be fair to say that sex is the most intimate that you can be with another person in the physical dimension of your relationship? If so, are you that far along in intimacy with intellectual, emotional, spiritual, or social dimensions of your relationship? Do you feel like you are so connected with this person that you cannot get hurt no matter what happens after sex? I don't mean immediately after, but after you are in the routine. Will you be bored with each other? If so, what then will hold your relaitonship together?I suppose my rationale for asking you to consider abstinence involves a few questions:Do you have spiritual beliefs which would conflict with a sexual relationship outside of marriage?Does he love you as much as you love him?Has he or have you loved anyone else with this intensity?What commitment beyond sexual intimacy is keeping you together?Is this the guy you want to marry? If not, do you want to have to tell the guy that you do marry that he is not the first to enjoy your body?How would you advise a best friend, or even a daughter if she asked you the question you asked me?Katie, there are other reasons that you can find on the web page, but these are the personal reflections of someone who has thought about your situation individually. I am interested in how things turn out.By the way, I love your e-mail address. What is "demango" that you are not giving away? R. Allen Jackson, PhDNew Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary3939 Gentilly Blvd.New Orleans, La. 70126504.282.4455, ext. 3208 |
|
| Q: |
|
My boyfriend is a virgin yet he has engaged in oral sex with his last two girlfriends. He has taken an AIDS test of course and is negative, but I was wondering are there any other diseases he can get from performing this activity and should I be worried. Plus, I am disappointed in him for doing those things but I don't know how to approach that situation because I do not want to make him feel bad. He of course thinks he did nothing worng. Should I forgive him even though he has never asked for forgiveness? |
| A: |
|
Your questions bring up some interesting issues. You don't indicate if you are a virgin, but I will assume that you are. A boyfriend who has engaged in oral sex with his last two girlfriends may be a technical virgin, but to me a "virgin" is a young person who has not engaged in voluntary sexual activity and has chosen a lifestyle of high character and morality. A virgin should be interested in protecting his and his date's future and doesn’t participate in activities, such as oral sex, that place each other at risk for physical damage. Many STD's--such as syphilis, herpes types I and II, gonorrhea, HPV, hepatitis B and C, HIV, Epstein Barr virus--can be transmitted by oral/genital contact. Most young people do not marry the one they date in high school. Why bond in such an intimate way—physically and emotionally--with someone you probably won't marry? I can't imagine going back to a high school reunion with your husband and introducing him to the guy you use to have oral sex with! You indicate in your question that he feels he has done nothing wrong. Obviously, from your question you think that he has done something wrong, and you should. It is not your place, or even in his best interest, to spare his feelings. What puzzles me the most is why you are even considering forgiving him, much less dating him. The only thing you should be considering is how fast you separate yourself from this unhealthy situation. Evidently, the two of you have been talking about his past oral experiences. For what reason? It has been my experience that those who want to manipulate others for sexual favors often talk very explicitly about other sexual experiences. The word we use for such a person is a "groomer." You need to think seriously about his behavior with you. Is he grooming you for oral sex yet allowing you to be a (technical) virgin? I hope that you will evaluate this situation very carefully and choose new friends that invest in healthier behaviors than what this boy has invested in. By the way, don't worry about making him feel bad, worry about your future. Invest in healthy choices with friends that want the best for you. Discussions of oral sex should not even be a part of a relationship, if it’s a healthy relationship. My advice - run, before you're the third ex-girlfriend he has had oral sex with. Gary Swant, SAFE (Sexual Abstinence and Family Education) |
|
| Q: |
|
What is Trichonomas? |
| A: |
|
Trichomonas vaginalis is a microscopic parasite found worldwide. Infection with trichomonas is called trichomoniasis (trick-oh-moe-nye-uh-sis). Trichomoniasis is one of the most common sexually transmitted diseases, mainly affecting 16-to-35-year old women. In the United States, it is estimated that 2 million women become infected each year.In women, signs and symptoms of infection range from having no symptoms (asymptomatic) to very symptomatic. Typical symptoms include foul smelling or frothy green discharge from the vagina, vaginal itching or redness. Other symptoms can include painful sexual intercourse, lower abdominal discomfort, and the urge to urinate.Most men with this infection do not have symptoms. When symptoms are present, they most commonly are discharge from the urethra, the urge to urinate, and a burning sensation with urination.Your health care provider can collect samples for examination. Diagnosis is most commonly made by viewing the parasite under a microscope. Culturing for the parasite is the best way to diagnose infection; results may take 3-7 days.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention |
|
| Q: |
|
Does the HIV have the ability to seep through the lining of a condom? |
| A: |
|
One chemist has published several compelling articles in the rubber industry journals which indicate that there are flaws in condoms big enough to allow HIV organism passage. Other lab tests have not shown that the organism passes through. I think the answer is unknown.We do know that the Federal Drug Administration allows up to 4% of a batch of condoms to be defective before the batch is rejected!The most prominent reason for condom failures to prevent HIV are:*users don't use them*they break*they slip off*contact with infected body fluids not covered by condoms.What percentage of HIV infections are due to condom leaks is unknown.John R. Diggs, Jr., MD, Abstinence Clearinghouse Medical Advisory Council |
|
| Q: |
|
Hello,I'm the mother of a seventeen year old sexually active daughter. My husband and I have discussed with our daughter and her boyfriend our concerns about morality, stds, pregnancy, self esteem, etc. Her current boyfriend of over one year is her second or third sexual partner. We've tried to set limits on their dating by restricting their privacy. They'll arrange to see each other while she is supposed to be at school, working, or sleeping. Her being sexually active and dishonest about her activities has caused a great deal of stress in our family. My daughter believes that she loves this boy and will marry him. He seems equally infatuated. My husband wants to take her for birth control shots and give her back her freedom and privacy in dating. He wants her to have a good senior year in high school, and he wants to eliminate the stress. I don't want to provide the birth control because it feels too much like giving her permission to be sexually active. I want to be a parent to her, but setting limits and even sending her off to live with her grandmother for two months hasn't worked. We've been united on dealing with our daughter, but now we're not. I've got a fourteen year old daughter to consider as well. How will she perceive our actions? Are there websites out their that help advise parents of older teens that are already sexually active? Please advise! |
| A: |
|
Premarital sex is never healthy, no matter what the circumstances (love, age, length of time dating). As a parent, you must never condone, give permission, or facilitate the unhealthy choice of premarital sex. You must as long as you have a relationship with your daughter, help her see that sex before marriage is always an unhealthy choice. In my opinion, healthy parents never enable unhealthy choices in their children. Some points that you might want to use with your daughter: 1. You never know who you will marry until after the wedding, Having sex before marriage just adds to the number of sex partners, and exponentially increases the opportunity for STD's and emotional scarring. 2. Birth control shots may substantially decrease the risk of pregnancy, but that is only one of several important issues. Your daughter must still actively use condoms to protect herself from STD transmission. Less that half of teens are able to do that. The recent HHS report admits that condoms offer good protection only for HIV/AIDS, pregnancy, and gonorrhea in men. You leave your daughter exposed to all other STD's. HPV is the leading STD in teen women and the causing agent for cervical cancer. You are not helping her by providing "shots"; you are placing her at risk for cancer. 3. STD infection rate is directly related to the number of partners. Your daughter is on her third partner and developing a trend for partners. She will most likely have other partners unless you help her to learn sexual self-control now and for a future marriage. 4. Hormones released during lactation and birth bond women to their babies. This hormone has also been shown to be released during intercourse. This explains in part the bonding mechanism in sexual intercourse for women. Men do not bond in the same way. Your daughter is placing her self at great risk of being emotionally bonded to a young man who does not share that same affection. Often girls cling and boys run. You are setting your daughter up for low self esteem, followed by permissive sex to regain self-esteem. The cycle becomes vicious, and your daughter can become just a shell of what she could have been. PLEASE parents, don't take the easy way out and think that an appliance (birth control) can solve a moral and medical issue. These kinds of issues are only solved by discipline and concentrating on the future, not immediate pleasure. You owe your daughter the opportunity for a bright future, not sexual pleasure today. I hope I have helped. Gary Swant, SAFE (Sexual Abstinence and Family Education)(There are also delayed consequences to the Depo-Provera shot. It doubles the risk of breast cancer and increases the risk of osteoporosis. [Ed.]) |
|
| Q: |
|
My daughter-in-law gets fever blisters on her lips often. She once commented that her dad does too. I got my first fever blister recently after using chapstick I think she may have used. MY question is: Is this Herpes? Can I have gotten it from her? Could she have gotten it some other way besides sex since she said she was a virgin when she married my son? By the way, My son got blisters, his words, on his penis shortly after they were married. He mentioned this to my husband once--hasn't mentioned it again. We didn't know what it was or what to tell him except go see a doctor if it persist. |
| A: |
|
Sounds like herpes. Herpes is characterized by painful or tender blisters that recur in the same location each time, and last about 7-21 days, going away without or with treatment. It does not persist. Oral herpes can be spread innocently or sexually spread. Genital herpes is sexually spread. Blood tests can classify them as kind 1 or 2. That would confirm if all three of you have the same type which 'could' clear up the mystery.The infection is for a lifetime but flareups tend to diminish in frequency as time goes on. Caution must be exercised in the case of pregnant women giving birth. It would be a catastrophe (and possibly fatal) for a newborn to become infected.People have been stretching the meaning of the word 'virgin.' Obviously, it is not possible to make any comments about your daughter-in-law. There are many articles in the lay and medical press about how teens still consider themselves virgins despite having engaged in oral-genital and anal-genital contact.John R. Diggs, Jr., MD, Abstinence Clearinghouse Medical Advisory Council |
|
| Q: |
|
How many teen suicides are related to teen pregnancy? |
| A: |
|
Prior to the legalization of abortion, there were articles relating these two issues, but there appear to be limited data in this area for the last thirty years. In Louisiana, for instance, evidence of pregnancy is not obtained subsequent to teen suicide.In my opinion, the marketing of abortion has been so successful in this country that when the vast majority of teens find out that they are pregnant, they are encouraged to have an abortion and remove the "unwanted tissue from their body" and rarely consider suicide at the time. Many professionals, however, who counsel teens suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts, find these problems rooted in the emotional and psychological damage caused by a prior pregnancy and/or abortion. Dee Burbank, MD, MPHNew Orleans, LALouisiana GPA Medical Advisor |
|
| Q: |
|
What are the chances of getting pregnant if you use a condom correctly? |
| A: |
|
The risk of pregnancy involves many factors, including the use of addtional methods, the age of the people involved, and the nature of the relationship. Generally, older (over 30), married couples (stable relationship) who use condoms consistently (100% of the time) have the fewest pregnancies.The statistics for condom use have been measured in many ways. The most convenient way is by looking at the number of pregnancies that occur during 12 months for women that use condoms as their only method of contraception.A woman in a couple like the one described above will become pregnant 5% of the time within 12 months. On the other end of the spectrum, an 18 year-old who is living with her boyfriend will become pregnant more than 20% of the time within 12 months.Condoms fail to prevent pregnancy because of breakage (5%), slipping off (2%), and failure to use them properly (percentage unknown).On the whole, for teens, they are very ineffective. John R. Diggs, Jr., MD, Abstinence Clearinghouse Medical Advisory Council |
|
| Q: |
|
What is HPV? |
| A: |
|
HPV stands for human papilloma virus. It causes invisible skin infection and genital warts. This virus is easily spread by skin-to-skin contact between people who have sex together. There are at least 30 types of HPV which can cause genital infection. Because only 2% of men or women have symptoms of infection such as genital warts, many people are not aware that they are infected and unknowingly spread the disease to others. It is so common today that, statistically, college students will almost certainly be infected after having four sexual partners.HPV is very contagious and incurable. In women, it may result in cervical cancer, which will kill 5,000 women this year in the USA, more than the number who die from AIDS annually. For men, there is also a small chance of genital cancer.Condoms do not offer protection from infection with this virus. The only sure way to avoid infection is for you and your paramour to establish a permanent monogamous relationship before having sex for the first time: marriage.John R. Diggs, Jr., MD, Abstinence Clearinghouse Medical Advisory Council |
|
| Q: |
|
If you have the herpes simplex virus 1 (fever blisters) on your mouth can you give it to someone else by oral sex? |
| A: |
|
Genital herpes is an infection caused by the herpes simplex virus or HSV. There are two types of HSV, and both can cause genital herpes. HSV type 1 most commonly infects the lips causing sores known as fever blisters or cold sores, but it also can infect the genital area and produce sores there. HSV type 2 is the usual cause of genital herpes, but it also can infect the mouth during oral sex. A person who has genital herpes infection can easily pass or transmit the virus to an uninfected person during sex. Both HSV 1 and 2 can produce sores (also called lesions) in and around the genital area and on the buttocks or thighs. Occasionally, sores also appear on other parts of the body where the virus has entered through broken skin. HSV remains in certain nerve cells of the body for life, and can produce symptoms off and on in some infected people. Most people get genital herpes by having sex with someone who is having a herpes “outbreak.” This outbreak means that HSV is active. When active, the virus usually causes visible sores in the genital area. The sores cast off (shed) viruses that can infect another person. Sometimes, however, a person can have an outbreak and have no visible sores at all. People often get genital herpes by having sexual contact with others who don’t know they are infected or who are having outbreaks of herpes without any sores. A person with genital herpes also can infect a sexual partner during oral sex. The virus is spread only rarely, if at all, by touching objects such as a toilet seat or hot tub.Information from the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases-National Institutes of Health |
|
| Q: |
|
How does Louisiana rank in terms of statistics related to pregnancy rates and incidences of STD's? |
| A: |
|
Some of the information you seek can be found on our website, especially in the Louisiana GPA section. Only a few of the sexually transmitted diseases are reportable--gonorrhea,syphilis, chlamydia, and in Louisiana, AIDS. Thus, estimates of the numbers of individuals infected with STD's are frequently arrived at statistically; however, there are sources on the web that compile these estimates and even explain the methodology used to reach them. In addition to those already listed on the website, you might find the following sources helpful:"STD's in America: How Many Cases and at What Cost?": www.kff.org/content/archive/1445/std_rep.pdf"Tracking the Hidden Epidemics" (CDC) contains status by city and state: www.cdc.gov/nchstp/dstd/Stats_Trends/Trends2000.pdfNational Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy has clickable U.S. map: www.teenpregnancy.orgCDC article listing Louisiana in top ten states for chlamydia: www.cdc.gov/schstp/dstd/Press_Releases/National_Report_Card_STDs.htm |
|
| Q: |
|
I am submitting a research paper for a class. My thesis is that girls involved in extra-curricular activities and sports are less likely to become sexually active or pregnant. Where can I find some information supporting this position? |
| A: |
|
Young people who are goal-directed and who value achievement in extra-curricular as well as academic areas are, as you suggest, more likely to delay sexual activity. The following studies support the protective value of such attitudes and activities:Jessor, R., "Risk Behavior in Adolescence...", Journal of Adolescent Health 12: 507-605, 1991.Lammers,D., et al., "Influences on Adolescent's Decisions to Postpone the Onset of Sexual Intercourse...", JAH 26(1): 42-48, Jan 2000.Raine, T.R., et al, "Sociodemographic Correlates of Virginity in 7th Grade Black and Latino Students," JAH 24(5): 304-12.Holder, D., et al, "The Association Between Adolescent Spirituality and Voluntary Sexual Activity," JAH 26(4): 295-302, April 2000.Halpern, C., et al, "Smart Teens Don't Have Sex (or Kiss Much Either)", JAH 26(3): 213-225, March 2000.Dittus, P., and Jaccard, J., "Adolescents' Perceptions of Maternal Disapproval of Sex...", JAH 26(4): 268-278, April 2000. |
|
| Q: |
|
I am a step mom and dealing with a 14 year old female (freshman) trying to see a 19 year old male (senior). I believe oral sex is involved. HELP!! |
| A: |
|
Recent research has helped us understand that the place in the teenage brain where reasoning and judgment takes place is not fully developed until the early 20's. My personal opinion is that a fourteen-year-old has no business dating, yet alone dating a nineteen-year-old, yet alone a nineteen-year-old who cannot get a date with someone closer to his own age.I would suspect that oral sex is involved for the same reasons. The question is, "Does Mom want to incur the wrath of a fourteen-year-old by trying to reign in behavior that should not have been allowed to begin?" This will take time and tears, because the teenager will feel unjustly penalized. However, I feel that the girl is too young to make such decisions (by the way, if there is any kind of sex involved, it is against the law in Louisiana as the girl is still a minor).Since even the courts agree with common sense, then the right (but hard) thing to do is to move toward immediate closure to the relationship. Perhaps a compromise (which as a Dad, I don't like) is that any future contact be limited to meals in the family (Mom's) home, but I suspect that a 19-year-old who has been getting sexual favors from a child would quickly tire of this arrangement.I know I haven't suggested easy solutions, but this situation is alarming. The next step for the relationship is physical abuse (dating violence) or sexual abuse (let my friends sample what I am getting). There is not much good that can come of it.May God give you wisdom.R. Allen Jackson, Ph.D.Youth Ministry Institute, NOBTSNew Orleans, La. |
|
| Q: |
|
I am 13, and some of my friends are saying that they're ready to have sex. I know i'm not ready, even though sometimes I feel like I am. Well, my question is, if I have sex, I know I'll feel guilty because of my parents, but is it worth losing my friends just to keep my parents' trust? |
| A: |
|
Dear Student,I think you are wise beyond your years. You know inside that it is not a good idea--there are consequences that you can measure--stuff like disease, unwanted pregnancy, etc. But the real issue is that your heart is not ready for the commitment that comes with sexual intimacy. You will feel even more guilty if you have sex and two weeks later you aren't even with her any more.One time a young lady in a youth ministry, a virgin, said to her friends who were pressuring her to have sex with her boyfriend, "I can be like you are anytime I want to. But because you have already had sex, you can never be like I am."I think that says it pretty well.R. Allen Jackson, PhDNew Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary3939 Gentilly Blvd.New Orleans, La. 70126504.282.4455, ext. 3208 |
|
| Q: |
|
How do you address the controversial question of masturbation in relation to sexual activity?I am the Project Director of the TLC (Training Leaders for the Community) program - one of the 6 abstinence-only education projects in Kansas. I've asked many local and national experts this question but still am looking for more information on how this can be explained according to our federal guidelines while still being sensitive and respectful to youth. |
| A: |
|
One of the best answers we found for this question was written by Carrie Abott, an abstinence educator from Washington state.This question will come up on comment cards and parents ask about it often. I don’t have the space to teach a complete lesson on this, but in understanding how the brain works, we know that the arousal response is the most easily trained human response. When sexual release takes place it impacts the greatest pleasure point in the brain, the Medial Pre-optic Nucleus. Whatever the person is focused on, thinking about, looking at, etc., will bond with his or her brain. The brain then says, “I want more of that.” If it is the spouse, yippee, life is good. If it is pornography or fantasy, which usually go with masturbation, then the person will bond with that. This habit, over time, will create an addiction.One freeing piece of information that I tell young men, especially college age, is that the prostate gland produces seminal fluid on a “need to” basis, it is not a constant flow of huge pressure. So, if a need isn’t created such as through music, making out, movies, etc., the body will take care of this through a natural release for young men, nocturnal emissions or wet dreams. For young women, close relationships with family with help them not need to act out sexually.Carrie AbbottExecutive Director, SHAREBellevue, WA |
|
| Q: |
|
I am a mom, married 20 years with 2 teenage girls. I was diagnosed with HPV about 3 years ago when I went in for a pap smear. Boy was I surprised because I was a virgin when I married. How does this virus form? |
| A: |
|
HPV is a small DNA virus. Genital HPV infection is spread by skin to skin contact during sexual intercourse in the genital area which includes the thighs. Even though individuals with HPV infection may not have symptoms, they are contagious and can spread the virus to others. Condoms offer no protection against HPV infection because they do not cover the entire genital area, and the use of condoms only offers a false sense of security which allows for an increased chance of spreading the virus.As I'm sure your health care provider has recommended, I would advise monitoring of your Pap smears as well as consultation about HPV with your health care provider and your spouse. Thank you for your inquiry.Dee Burbank, MD, MPHNew Orleans, LA |
|
| Q: |
|
I have 16 yr old daughter who is now pregnant. I have heard her tell her boyfriend many times that she doesn't want to have sex anymore until she is married. I heard him tell her that people who have had sex, don't stop having sex and she must be having sex with someone else if she doesn't want to have sex with him. Can you tell me how to best talk to my daughter so she will listen. I know a lot of teens, not just mine, think that parents are out of date. |
| A: |
|
Dear Mom,I would encourage you just to listen to your daughter and her present struggles, i.e., her pregnancy and the pressures from her boyfriend. Your advice would probably be very sound and given from the heart. However, from what you said in your email, it sounds like no one is really listening to this young girl. If I may suggest, invite your daughter to tell you what it is like to be caught in her dilemma. You may need to be patient if your daughter is not used to having someone listen to her. Now here is the different part. No matter what she says, just repeat it exactly. Then say, "Tell me more" or "Say more about that." Do not ask questions. This will serve two purposes. First, it will let your daughter know that you are really listening to her. Secondly, you will teach her that her words matter and they are important. If you can teach her that her words matter, then you teach her that she matters. This is one of the easiest ways to teach a child or teen that he or she has worth and value. And I know that you know that a person with a sense of worth and value is more likely to resist self abuse and is more likely to resist others' abuse.Don't be surprised if she asks you why you are repeating her every word. Just tell her that you have realized that you are not the kind of listener that you would like to be and that you are practicing your listening skills. You also hope that she will be patient with you as you listen to her by repeating her words. You probably already realize that if your daughter can hear her own words exactly, she can gain insight to her own problems.Remember to be patient, listen and repeat EXACTLY, and say, "Tell me more." Sometimes, when a person like your daughter realizes that she is actually being listened to, she may begin to talk very rapidly. So it is okay for you to put up your hand and say, "Stop! Let me repeat this part. I can't repeat all of that and I want you to know that I am really listening." In closing, I encourage you not to try to fix or be responsible for her feelings or ask a bunch of questions. Just listen, repeat exactly, and say, "Tell me more."One last thing, Mom. After you listen and your daughter begins to gain insight, you might encourage her to take care of herself. Let her know that kids, like her baby, do not do what we as parents say, but they will do what we do. Support your daughter in building healthy boundaries for herself and develop a lifestyle that she would like to teach her own child.George WolcottMarriage and Family Therapist |
|
| Q: |
|
I want to learn more about abstinence but to do that I need to know what I can and can not do in order to be abstinent. I love to have intimate relationships but I don't want sex. What are the boundaries for abstinence and what do I do? |
| A: |
|
Let me be frank. I tell my children and any young people I visit with that "from the neck to the knee is no man's land." Deciding ahead of time on definite boundaries has several real advantages:SPIRITUALLY: No real guilt with this choice.PHYSICALLY: No chance of sexually transmitted disease or pregnancy.SOCIALLY: No embarrassment, no subject of gossip, no reputation concerns.EMOTIONALLY: No regrets. INTELLECTUALLY (cognitive): No difficulty with making a decision. The decision has already been made and you have made a plan to follow through on that decision.But let me explain why protecting your body and your heart in this way is so important.If you do not choose abstinence until marriage, it is highly unlikely that you will have sex with only one partner. Therefore much of what I answer from here on assumes that if you are not choosing abstinence, then over time, there will be several partners.Performing intimate sexual acts with several partners prevents the possibility of being truly intimate. When you share yourself so completely with several, what part of intimacy is left? True intimacy carries with it the concept of exclusivity. Even serial monogamy, or moving from one partner to the next, also prevents true intimacy. Although it sounds contradictory, one definition of intimacy is “shared privacy.” If you share your private self with several, then it is no longer private, it is public. Truly intimate relationships grow out of the private sharing of deep feelings and commitment. If you are a young person who craves intimacy, you might want to examine yourself to see if there is a deeper issue you are dealing with. In the February 16, 1987 issue of Newsweek, in an article titled "Kids and Contraceptives," one author comments about teenagers, "They're little kids with grownup problems. They're moved to sex, many of them, not by compassion or love or any of the other urges that make sense to adults, but by a need for intimacy that has gone unfulfilled by their families."This is not to blame a particular family, but to become more honest about what motivates us. Then we can begin to heal. Because there is no good outcome of premarital sex, we must examine ourselves to determine why we would act in a way which in the end creates loss and heartache. For those who are already sexually experienced, let me make a suggestion. To begin to heal, follow the "act-as-if" principle. Start choosing abstinence and after six months, examine yourself and determine if you have made a good choice. I’m sure you won’t regret it.Mikal FrazierFamily Counselor |
|
| Q: |
|
I love my boyfriend and he loves me. We are going to get married, so why should we not have sex? |
| A: |
|
This is a question that is often asked. Every thing about the relationship seems to point to the fact that having sex, "making love," would be very reasonable under these conditions. However, consider this. When two people love each other and attempt to have a relationship, many aspects about having a successful relationship begin to present themselves. For example: how do you resolve issues? how do you let the other person know that you really understand and can listen to them? how do you know that it is safe to talk to your partner about yourself on a personal level? how do you actually know what your partner wants and needs without trying to guess? You won't know without practice, practice, practice! It is in the practice that a strong and stable relationship begins to grow.So why not be able to add sex into the mix especially if you love each other? Would you consider that the moment a couple begins to have sex, the relationship takes a huge jump? You both think about each other more. You want to be with each other more. You feel your love for each other even more deeply. So what is so wrong with that! The "jump" moves you both past that needed "practice" time. You are moved deeper into the relationship. So when the first time you have a normal, natural relationship problem, you may not have the needed skills that you have "jumped" over to resolve the problem. Some couples in an attempt to save the relationship actually stuff the problem and act as if everything is okay. You may also notice that sometimes when the man is faced with a problem, he might suggest that you make love. He remembers a time when you both were close and really cared deeply for each other. This attempt to make everything right again is often met with much anger by the woman. She often reports feeling misunderstood and hurt at that suggestion. Also, you miss out on the opportunity to act as a team and feel the success of resolving the problem. Dating without sex provides the couple the opportunity to establish a relationship by practicing the necessary skills to actually have the kind of permanent relationship that marriage demands.George Wolcott, LPC, EdD has been in practice for 20 years as a marriage and family therapist. He has also been married to his wife, Linda, for 32 years. |
|
| |
|
|
|
|
CURRICULUM CLIP
|
|
Do not try to imitate the intimacy of marriage in dating. Sexual activity is never a shortcut to a good relationship. On the contrary, it prevents the relationship from growing and developing normally.
|
|
|
|
